Missing festival season a lot. Living vicariously through friends' facebook pictures..... ....soon......soon.
Glorious divine intervention today of my mom spotting a really cool vintage drop leaf table curbside that extends out larger for more people. Folds up nicely- - really high quality wood. It's beat up- but when my mom said "I just found the greatest dining room table!". I hear table and it translates into canvas. Amazing woodworking skill in this table says to me my dad sent this to me as a gift. Thanks Daddy. I can hear him saying "You don't see furniture like this anymore. You see that edge? That's quality. Feel that. See that grain? That's sharp. Really sharp"..... My dad was Holmes on Holmes. no doubt (He loved that show too). Sharp was his word for "badass".
All my projection of new projects and keeping myself creating through this crazy brain forest of chemo and cancer stuff....and i manifested a table. And 4 chairs. The lottery win is waiting for the perfect day, I say.
I'm so psyched. With chemo coming on Monday, I won't be able to do much to it until next weekend, but oh boy. Gve me right angles and a paintbrush and symmetry happens. sooooooooo excited!
Fireworks were awesome. The joy my kids had and Melody talking about it all day today "Oh pre-tee sparkles! Ocean!" was worth the 2 hour drive home that should have been 10 minutes.
A brilliant orange moon rose above the ocean and was a perfect backdrop to a sweet evening on the beach.
I feel great. Feet swelly a bit, but otherwise great. I'm feeling the best I have in a week.....! Even considering I got only 4 hours of sleep and still woke up for work way early. go me!
Tomorrow.... music at the beach . No traffic this time.
Feeling a lot better today!
I love my life. I love my husband, I love my kids. Days off from work where I don't feel nauseous or sick are few and far between- but this is one of them, and for that I am grateful.
I woke up ready to cast off stagnation-
I needed to CREATE things, which needs my work spaces to be cleaned up- so that's what I did- I'm typing on a new freshy clean desk and my sewing room is ready to go after I clean and oil my babies. and get a chair.
I love it.
Tonight we see fireworks, and the work continues tomorrow.
I've been planning on what I'm going to do when I'm finally done with this chemo -
My first thing is ink. I was poised to get my next piece- ready since december..... a golden spiral / ratio intermixed with a color wheel mandala, scissors and the digits of pi. so ready. and boom. the hammer fell.
gah. I have a few more planned- especially one for the "fuck you cancer" celebration when i get the all clear....My oncologist looks a little sideways at my tattoos, but he appreciates my spirit- so I guess I can't win em all.
All the things I wanted to do, which I kept putting up won't be put off anymore.
If anything is going to make me 'carpe diem' from here on out- it's this.
Time to stop sitting on my butt and procrastinating. I'm really terrible at it, I wish I wasn't. I do it to myself and put myself last because my Virgo nature is to serve others. And I take on too much all the time, and overload myself with enough work and emotion to slaughter any other zodiac sign. I'm lookin' at you Capricorn. Me needs to take a front seat from now on. Is that ego?
Do it now is one of my new mantras.
I started by cleaning off my work spaces and I am ready.
My fingers are feeling numb in the tips- maybe keeping up with painting and drawing might keep it at bay. maybe?
My foot is also much better today- but I'm not a fan of wearing flip flops all over the house. not at all.
Time for dinner and beach.
Got through 2 days of work somewhat- I've been juicing a lot, and feeling pretty good- I'm just getting tired a lot more easily..... Feeling ok.... I don't get heartburn usually but it's here today....small mouth sores have been popping up every so often. I hope this isn't a result of pushing myself too much this weekend. That would suck.
I had another awesome Reiki session with Beth again last night....really intense- I pretty much left my body during the entire thing and Beth wound up getting sick afterwards a little bit. I felt bad.
Another stupid thing I noticed is my feet. I hardly ever wear shoes- I've always been that way. My feet are toughies, so they were feeling ok until yesterday when I noticed that part, right under the little piggie that went wee wee wee all the way home, that touches the floor hurt. Like I stepped on a sharp rock somewhere and it hurt later on. It bothered me a little last night but nothing too bad. Felt ok today- I just thought I bruised it somewhere. Until today when Melody asked me to take her outside and see the flowers (all the container gardens and vegetables growing outside) - I picked her up to show her the plants for a quick minute- and walked out barefoot on the concrete and now my foot REALLY hurts. I didn't walk on anything but flat concrete. I put flip flops on and iced it a bit- but it's swollen now and I can't put too much weight on it. Ugh. Doctor Google tells me this could be what they call hand-foot syndrome, a side effect of the chemo drug Adriamycin. It apparently finds its way into small capillaries in the feet and hands, and then leaks out into surrounding tissue when those capillaries get injured. and that chemo drug is not kind to tissue. It's irritating. No more bare feet. Nancy, you told me that too and I didn't think a walk around an area rug would do much damage. I called the doctor on call at Virtua just to make sure and he told me to ice it - I may have stepped on something and broken a blood vessel. He told me if it's worse tomorrow, Dr Cairoli will be the guy on call and to get in touch with him then. Until then, ice.
You can't diagnose anything over the phone.
Looking forward to seeing some fireworks on the beach - not sure if Asbury Park or Seaside Heights will be the town of choice just yet. My town is just way too small with too many cars to get caught in the middle of during fireworks traffic....
No work tomorrow- just Thursday and Friday and then back to AC #4 on Monday. 8am sharp.
and speaking of extremities- my hands have been itching to create something lately. It's driving me nuts to not be able to sit and make up some art because I'm either too tired and need to lie down or the energy it takes to bust out all supplies and then clean up after a major dye session or sewing project. I was able to get some computer art done that took some minutes. It satisfied the hunger a little bit like a bag of peanuts in an airplane. I also got to digitize a painting of my friend Jonathon Blake's (Crazyredbeard) into embroidery today. With glow in the dark thread! Not my art- but it was fun recreating it in embroidery. :)
Here's to an early night of rest, and better feet tomorrow....
love....
I can't believe it's been 40 days since my first chemo. If this was the Bible, I would have found the promised land by now, or begat Enoch or something like that.
Yesterday I took it easy, but I needed to get out of the house, so in this crazy heat of 90 degrees, we took the kids for a very brief visit to a local farm that has farm animals you can feed carrots too. Melody chased a giant black Chinese chicken around and imitated the goats. It was a riot. Not easy being in the sun so much, but I hydrated and stayed good. Azalea went over a friend's house later on and came back and I managed to get both my kids back by the end of the day, which made me smile and it felt good to have them close to me.
I also got gifted a massive amount of beets, broccoli, peppers, herbs and cabbage!!
I also made it a point to visit the beauty supply store, which is an AutoZone for chemotherapy patients needing to maintain fabulous.
Eyelashes, wigs, scarves, eyebrow pencils, fun stuff. My eyebrows and eyelashes are next to fall out - I hear every hair goes bye bye with Taxol. I love shimmery eyeshadow crayons. in green.
I could go nuts in there, especially since I should be a member of Nail Polish Anonymous. I have a nail polish problem too - which is soon going to grow into an eye makeup problem if I don't keep it in check.....
I got a new short wigs and some colored hair to decorate with. Absentmindedly, I went to put the feather clip into my hair and realized. hey. I don't have any.
I don't miss it.
Especially when it's 95 degrees outside.
Today we went to a pig roast my boss had at his house. I managed to last 2 hours before needing to go home, but the kids had such a great time in the pool. I got to hang with people I don't see that much anymore, but I miss very much. I work in a place where we hug each other. You don't get that very often in life.... I miss old life of going to work everyday and not dealing with cancer. I miss having more than 4 good hours of energy in a day.
Sometimes it gets to be too much where I just wish I could step out of this reality for an hour and reassemble. But i can't. Or maybe I can with enough fake eyelashes and eyebrow pencils from the beauty supply store.
....either way it takes a toll on ya.
I am not gonna lie.
Low isn't a spot where I want to be, but I visit sometimes, but I make sure it never ever gets the best of me like that lake that ate the horse in the Neverending Story.
That wouldn't be fun.
I just want to get this last AC chemo appointment and following week done and over with already. It messes with you after a while both physically and mentally.
I keep on keepin' on.... for everyone and me.
So the heat and emotion had it's fun this weekend.....
Tired, nauseous, more stupid stabs of bone pain.....i am so tired of these drugs.
I need to lie down (surprise!)
and happy that I do not have hair on my head today!!!
onward Falcor!!
1:30PM
I let fear get to me....
I was anticipating and manifesting a crappy evening of Neulasta garbage, and I shouldn't have done that. Mind over matter, yes, but deep down inside I was really fearing of a recurrence of last time's trip around the porcelain throne.
Not this time.
Right now I still feel like a pile of achy bones being split open lengthwise, but last evening was much better.
I was able to relax until Mark came home around 10. I just started crying after being alone with my thoughts for 4 hours when he walked through the door. I needed a hug. Then Mark and I got to talk a lot about how we were both feeling about everything. About ourselves, what God is, this stupid cancer's itinerary, and just stuff in general. With 2 kids, it's hard to get that time in to really speak it out and listen sometimes. When he got home last night, I was in bed watching TV and we just hashed it all out for a few hours. The kids were at my mom's so it was a rare occurrence to have a conversation where you don't have to be quiet or watch what you say. lol. It was a bloodletting I think of anxiety, crazy energy, being scared, and communication that needed to be had in our marriage at that time. And that talk released what made me feel like shit the last time. FEAR.
I stored Fear, my enemy, inside where it hid. No fear in me, no way. I am strong! Ha. Yeah, right. Who the hell am i to say that?
I am scared, but not afraid. Big difference. I think if we make peace with what life is throwing at us while we can, the fear goes away a little bit more.
It's ok to be scared. I'm staring into death's eyes for Christ sakes....
I slept so well, the headache wasn't nearly as bad as this time, but the next morning I'm still feeling it. Sweating a lot, and splitty bones.
I wanna chop my knees off.
I am tired.
......
4:46 PM Mom took the kids again, and Mark has left for work. Melody hadn't had a nap and was taking great delight in being a wee beastie. Azalea, perfect child as always, doing the best she can. I'm laid out and watching as much TV as I like, hydrating, since my major trip outside watering tomatoes took the last bits of energy I had left. The house is quiet and as much as I need the break, I still miss everyone. The bones are gettin' worse and I'm not having much fun. Bleh. High grade nausea too.
I need a stand-in skeleton right now.....
I woke up tired liike last time, next to an equally exhausted husband and little Melody between us, snuggling and hugging in her half sleep saying "mama" and "dada".
That makes my morning. Especially when I feel like this. Mark got the kids up and fed them breakfast and settled down with coffee and his daily guitar practice exercises. I keep hearing "Ssssh! don't scream! Mommy needs sleep! she doesn't feel good!"
What a sweet family I have. But there's no immunity ever for a screaming and happy 21 month old so happy to hear herself make such a noise, to come running into my room, wanting to jump on the bed and give me hugs, no matter how much I want to sleep. I'm ok with that.
On and off sweating all day, I go to simply lie down and relax these aching legs, only to be disturbed by an overabundance of thoughts, some of which are nonsensical and grotesque horror movie like images that seem to come from the dregs of my brain. It's par for the course I guess. I hate those images, so nothing left to do but get up, go sit out on the couch and watch TV or talk to someone. But noone's here right now. I'm pacing the house slowly like Boris Karloff as the Mummy. arrrghhhh. don't taaaake my precioussss ice creeeeam......
I'm up for a few minutes to write this- then back down to sleep.
Mom took the kids today around the same time Mark left to teach his lessons- about 4pm. Mark will be home later around 10- enough time to help me drag my body up and down the hallway again. It's more comfortable to me now every day to stay detached, at first it's a bizarre floating over myself feeling- now it's normal.
My bones hurt, I'm doing my best to psyche myself out of the headache and throwing up this time, and I have to be careful about food because the last time I ate something during this Neulasta storm, my body attached onto that too as a bad experience and I can't eat it anymore.
I managed to crawl into the car and Mark and the kids accompanied me to the chiropractor earlier today- in the hopes to loosen the bones and achy muscles. So far so good. I was out of whack all on my right side too.
Not a good day today.
Right now I just wanna lie down and puke at the same time.
My ADD self that needs to be doing something and getting stuff done all the time hates days like this. Loathes it. lol.
So off to bed I go, with hopes for a much easier night than 2 weeks ago around this time.
mind over matter.....
Neulasta shot again at 7. Time for Satan's bar crawl again. I'll be drinking the juice for 24 hours and finally hit the floor for the hellish spins around 6pm tomorrow night.
I'll try to watch a better Lifetime movie too.
I'll be so happy when this AC train stops.
My body is kind of expecting stuff now. The nauseousness is deeper and more intense now. I managed an hour at shoprite to get some supplies for the journey - which was rough. But it felt nice to get dressed, put some makeup on and get out one last time into the human world this week. Azalea helped out. She holds onto my coupons as i shop... I am a coupon nut. I have a binder and everything. I actually skipped buying the sunday paper and clipping coupons for the first week in over a year this past sunday and it killed me! lol.
paid 58.00 , saved 41.00. go me. A couponing trip is few and far between these days, so welcome to my domestic DisneyWorld.
And now the pulling starts. The soul becoming detached from the soul container. it's like getting gum out of hair. Or mozzarella cheese out of lasagna. I feel like I'm coming more "apart" when I feel this crappy. I am thankful for this. I REFUSE to allow ANY of this to affect my spirit. And it can't because of the same physical property ghosts have that makes them walk through walls. Cancer does not exist in the spirit world. Organs are just car parts.
So there.
You will not get me cancer.
It sounds really odd, but I've usually not been a fan of pieces taken off of me that I can't see later.
I've gotten to keep most every tooth I have had extracted in my adult years, and I saw my babies and their placentas come out, and I watched fluid in my hand getting drained out along with pints and pints of blood over the years. It's fascinating to me to see my own guts.
I'm going to ask my surgeons to save my tumors for me to see later. I'm that weirdo. I wonder if they'll think the same. Or if they get lots of people asking that too. I don't want to keep them , just see them. MRI's just don't cut it. haha - i just made a pun.
......
My next post will probably be tomorrow during a good window~ thanks for all your support , people and all the kind words - they are my fighting tools and medicine as well.
I love you all.....
DAY35 There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do
anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul. One does
not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the
darkness conscious.
~ Carl Gustav Jung
AC Chemo Treatment #3
I am exhausted. This post will be short, because getting up way early to make this appointment + making dinner for /getting kids to bed solo + chemo= has drained the soul container.
So yes. Mark & I took the soul container & went to the garage today for a very quiet day at Virtua in the chemo chair... Half an Ativan today and I napped nicely between water.
Just one other patient was in there, eating her lunch of a hot dog with the fixins and cheetos. The sound of the cheetos sounded just like those evil Pirate Booty Tings. I tried to read the newspaper the best I could as she ate them.
lol.
My oncology nurse told us too that some people can't wear red or even look at the name of the hospital again after their first chemo- their bodies attached that just like mine did with those nasty crunch sticks.
weird.
Nice quiet day, more red pee.
Dr. Cairoli praised my bloodwork and the breast tumor has shrunk even more!!!!! And my weight is staying the same, which is good too. I actually gained 2 lbs. oof. He said my symptoms shouldn't get any worse for the rest of the AC chemo either. which is 1 MORE VISIT.
Monday July 9 is final AC chemo. The 2 weeks off and I have 12 weekly chemos of Taxol, that will end mid-October if all scheduling goes well. Which means I have many options for Halloween as a bald woman. Please readers, I need some hilarious ideas if you got 'em. After 2009's Epic Bob Ross, I have decided not to go as a man ever again. Noone knew I was a girl and some thought I was some weird gay man from Asbury. I think it was the eyebrows and creepy moustache. They were right.
I also hooked up with the breast reconstruction part of all of this- an accredited doctor from Fox Chase in Philly named Dr. Patel who the main man for plastic surgery on cancer patients......so that's awesome. I see him July 24 to put the wheels into motion for surgery. He's a rare NJ visitor and works very closely with Dr Miller, where in most cases- Dr Miller does the mastectomy, and then Dr. Patel finishes the reconstruction all in one shot. Man, that would be so awesome. I hope I get that value meal.
A rainy weather day of driving.... I managed to score the last dozen of farm fresh eggs on the way home in Pemberton and some blueberries..... delicious.
A quick post to just say that I'm reaallllly tired like i walked to Belmar and back.My thigh bones and hips feel like a little person threw bricks at them.
So after getting these kids fed and in bed, I'm gonna lie down and hit.the.hay.
I'm so sad to be missing Beth's birthday party in Seaside.
Tomorrow we visit the missing circle of Dante's Inferno that is Neulasta.
I had the best time at Stonehenge. The family that surrounds this place is something special.
Just so healing. Music is a huge part of my life. Spending the weekend with the kindred musician souls and such good friends, live music in a great creek side setting in the hills of Pennsylvania.
I also witnessed Mark's drummer Neil find his wedding ring after losing it the night before 20 feet out into the flowing pebbly creek. Amazing to see. Knee deep after 10 minutes of slow searching , he looked down and it was right among the rocks. All those people walking out there, and it stayed put.
A round of applause, a hug and kiss later and it was magical.
I had an ok time with everything except for a small moment in the morning where I just was hit all at once with a headache, and sounds of people talking and sunshine really started to bother me. I felt really strange.
Everything feels strange lately- I'm in a perpetual state of out-of-body experiencing. So if I ever happen to be a conversation with you, please pardon my
spaced out-ness if it seems that way. I am listening, there is just a
strange data processing delay in the neurons somewhere.
I needed to sit down - and be in a quiet place and i needed food as well. It was weird.About a half hour of that until I felt better. Thanks Elise :) I think it was a culmination of myself being out of my house and around so much amazing people. Energy so deep and so lush with rich hearts, it was physically overwhelming.
And my lovely mama to be Julia gave me the cutest powder aqua colored wig. It makes me feel like 80s Kate Jackson if she was Martian. I also got a gorgeous necklace from my friend Sean that has all kinds of cancer energy busting rocks in it. awesome.
Words just can't describe the overall weekend though. Blissed out and it just felt like the biggest and best hug ever.
I can do without the crazy number of Pennsylvania drivers who snail it down a left lane. 2 hours of that and I was happy to be driving in Jersey at that point. Jesus.
Tomorrow is Chemo #3.
I'm really not looking forward to it at all right now. The aftermath, all of it. Good thing Mark's work nights this week all end early.
Mark is coming with me and it's an early appointment so I'll be out early.
So I'm hydrating like crazy and happy to have Melody back, even though she is acting like an imp right now.
I am tired from the 4.5 hour drive home, very grateful for a shower and soap right now and I'm going to drink yet more water and fall fast ASLEEP.
Big day tomorrow.
I go to sleep tonight with a heart swelled with gratitude tonight.
I love y'all. :)
(hi rocco!)
Been good. No blogs mean everything has been running smoothly - Just...yep you guessed it- TIRED.
Today was the 4th day in a row I worked for 9 hours- amazing. Running around a tiny warehouse and getting shit in order for my assistant to sail through next week- it's all good.
In case anyone didn't know what I do for a living besides being a zany person and artist, I am a machine embroiderer and digitizer for a local screen print shop in Ocean County here. I love it.
Today is my Friday. Tomorrow I depart for the highways and head up to an annual music festival in Pennsylvania that Mark has been playing since it's birth 22 years ago. I'm leaving Melody with my mom and Azalea will be my co-pilot.
It's called Stonehenge. and it's my favorite place to be every June :) So much so I got a tattoo of the real Stonehenge in the UK, even though I have never been there. So I do NOT like to miss it, I haven't missed one since 1999, and I plan on keeping it that way. I used to vend my art and clothing every summer, this is the second time I haven't.
Some of the greatest musical friends and family converge here and it's where bliss is for us as a family.
Nothing is like a weekend with the Stonehenge people, for me. forever and always. :)
it's hard explaining Stonehenge to someone who has never been there, and it is not for everyone, as well. My brother Jon has been going on and off for the past 7 years as well.... And it's Beth's 50 birthday, so it'll be a party. I can't be away from my best friend on her 50th!!
Kinda apprehensive - I need to be careful around hugs and people, and be Howie Mandel weird about touching things. and stay in the shade. I'll be rocking my wig though. The blue and black bob arrived and I love it.
The original plain wig that's boring and no fun? I named it Mitt Romney.
Eventually I'll take Mitt to get rainbow-fied and cut properly, as well the real one should too...Mitt needs a punk makeover.
my booth - stonehenge 2009
Chemo Monday, so that means Hydration Extreme weekend. Exciting my life has become, eh?
I should put my water in a cardboard box of wine box so I can look cool to all the kids. Sip it with a big straw like a fabulously giant Pinot Grigio Capri-Sun.....
Been feeling alright. My body needs sleep- but with everything I seem to need to perpetually do, my mind has a hard time slowing down. So it keeps me up until I crash hard and wind up auditorily hallucinating the sounds of other people talking in the room with me. It's so bizarre. Sleep deprivation has always done that to me. Weird. Once I drove 26 hours straight from Lake Tahoe to Breckenridge Colorado with nothing but horrible road coffee and cheap cigarettes. and Doritos. We stopped and I just passed out asleep, and swore that other people were it the van with me talking as I slept. Totally bizarre.
Sleeping is hard when there's a lot to think of.
My hair is pretty much gone besides a very short mohawk at the top of my head. It's been 95 degrees the past 2 days and I have to say that the wig is not fun in that heat too long. the scarf, ok.
I am also noticing the sore mouth and lingering bone pain, mild nauseousness every now and then but nothing major.
When I think about chemo, my head instantly goes to the first time, when I was eating those Pirate Booty Tings for the first time as I was getting my chemo IV drip on. Eating them during chemo triggered some crazy reaction in my body, where now they make me absolutely sick to my stomach when I think of them. I can't get them out of my head, I will always associate them with chemo now, and I think of them often because my brain is operating under the influence of some crazy shit and thoughts and actions are blurred.
My brain does not match now what I try to say or do sometimes, and it's also bizarre. And frustrating. Sometimes I'll forget to do the simplest of tasks, like sitting in the car and forgetting how to start it. Or thinking my words before I speak them- and I speak them backwards. Or I'll get horrific visions in my head as I am trying to sleep. But thankfully the latter does not happen that often at all.
It's not constant, but it happens frequently. Chemo brain they call it.
I now know how Melody's head works.
Much like a 2 year old.
Other than the hair, and the impaired thinking, and sleep issues- life is pretty all right. :) Beth came over on Saturday and we had a really great Reiki session. I have never felt so much electricity in a Reiki session ever. Amazing and it balanced me - especially when she held my ankles.
Looking forward to my teeny tiny vacation and restinggggg.
I haven't had much energy today. Mark seems to have eaten something bad and is stretched out on the couch nauseous. It's back to work tomorrow. Weird trying to get used to this new chemo brain I have. Azalea is at my mom's planning and decorating for a huge father's day dinner for Mark combining it with is birthday that slipped by the wayside being 2 days after this diagnosis.... he deserves a day for being so great....Azalea has been making menus, and decorating, and baking with my mom. She's calling it her "epic" party. Everything is "epic". What a kid.....She is the greatest , most polite person I have ever met. Hopefully Mark can rest off the sick to make it to my mom's for a dinner. He has no idea how big Azalea has planned this....lol.
I'm thankful I found a father for my children who is as great of a father as I had. I was very close with him, and his dealing with cancer has been such a huge part of all our lives. I have 3 sisters, and 2 brothers and having a big family is great when dealing with huge family news as we have found. We are all there for each other 100% 24-7, I'm so grateful for the amazing support of all of them. I was there as my father passed away in March of 2010, and took his last breaths after a hell of a fight with multiple myeloma. I have so many great memories of him to keep me through this. And every day of my fight, I fight it for him. I probably already had this cancer at the time of his passing. This cancer is very slow growing and took years to develop. It was meant to be for me to give birth to Melody and not find this until now.Being pregnant and having her around in the weeks following my father's passing was comforting in a way. Something else to think about and someone new to occupy my heart and our family. It took Azalea's mind off Grandpa being sick , with a new little sister. Now she will be 2 in August, and I'm grateful that she's at the age of not realizing what's going on in reality, but also still innocent in really being the only person among us that doesn't give a shit about cancer. She doesn't care if she hits me with a pair of her shoes in the face, or chucks the tv clicker at me in frustration.... it's refreshing in a way. She'll probably never remember me being bald, or sick in bed. She was sent to us for a reason, and the reasons keep unfolding everyday.
When I think about my dad now that him and I have something this crazy in common, I don't mourn him as I used to like a silent tip of a coffee cup, or wearing an orange bracelet much anymore. I find myself arm in arm with him like he walked me down the aisle at my wedding. There's no sadness he's gone. He fighting right with me. And it's a hug I feel from these days on. And the cardinals that keep flying in front of my car as I drive. lol.
Happy Father's Day to the dads who practice the ultimate in greatness in how they encourage, teach, and enrich their kids' lives' positive.
I lost track of time, I'd wake up from a nap and think it was 9pm, when it was only 3. The bone pain is still around. I'll get a stab in the jaw and be like- "oh hell, not teeth too"- and realize- Hey- my jaw is a bone too. You don't realize how many bones are in your body until they all hurt. Taking their turns in stabbing you. Knees, ribs, the middle of the chest, shins, fingers, arms..... my back. ugh. Next Neulasta shot I'm going to try something new and juice like crazy with the greens and carrots as soon as the chemo needle is taken out, usual chiropractor visit and see what happens. I would love to see what I can do to counteract that screwed up rollercoaster drug experience if I can. Mind over matter. ;)
Mom took the kids again last night- I got to spend some time with them for a little bit before she picked them back up at 7. Mark worked last night so I wouldn't have had any help getting them fed and ready for bed with the way I was feeling. Thanks mommy :) I passed out dead tired about 8:30 and slept well until about 7. This morning, I MADE myself get out of bed, take a shower, put some makeup on and go to Shoprite for a few things. I have been craving kale like crazy- and it hasn't been at my local supermarket for weeks. Which means it's a 15 minute drive or more to get it now. I needed stuff- Mark had to leave for a double day of gigging at 10:30 so it had to be done. Got some Metallica's Ride the Lightning on the ipod (good ass kicking music to drive to) - headed out on the highway solo.
Easy Rider.... hardly. lol. I felt like crap, but it felt good to be out for the most part. I also discovered the my Shoprite now has every flavor of GTS Kombucha tea. I love the multi-greens because it tastes like french fries to me. and I miss french fries. Kombucha's some good stuff- I used to brew it at home- but pregnancy made me stop the cycle since it upset my stomach a lot- but it's great for keeping the good bacteria in your belly, B vitamins and just a good shot of good stuff. It has shown to help with breast cancer patients as well- but in this day in age- anything is subjective. I have faith in it though. The Chinese know their herbs and teas and fungus.
It was kinda of bizarre in the supermarket- I just wore a headscarf but I knew people could tell. Folks gave me that "I know what you have" smile, and happily moved out of my way if I needed to get by. It's strangely like when I was 9 months pregnant at the same store.
it's already 11AM and it feels like a day just went by. Exhausted right now. I need to sleep and not. push. anything.
My best friend Beth is coming over today around 1 to hang out and help my lymphatic system and bone stuff with some reflexology and I get some of her Reiki lovins too. I love Beth :) Mark comes home from all his music at 6, so we can have our kids back and enjoy a nice quiet sunday of final rest before the work week starts back up again....
Why yes, Mr. Mephistopheles, please pour me another!
I am going to rename Neulasta "Satan's Cocktail".
I know it's part of the healing and medicine but this shit is brutal. My body is not used to any of these hard hitters, and letting me know it quite well.
All day yesterday - in bed. Moving around and getting up was pretty limited.... I just had nothing in me to move or function.
Neulasta pretty much amps up your bone marrow to kick up the white blood cell count in your body so your white blood cell counts don't go down and they can give you the next dose of chemo sooner in 2 weeks rather than waiting 3 the usual weeks.
6PM arrives and the headache started. and got worse. I managed to fall asleep with the help of the miracle pillow, though. The miracle pillow is a flax seed + lavender filled pillow I made. 2 and a half minutes in a microwave and laid over the eyes it takes any kind of nasty headache away. I made them for my dad when he was getting bad head and bone pain during his treatments- and I made them one year for Xmas for my siblings. It works. The miracle pillow is truly that. Sick, hangover, flu, whatever you got- most likely the pillow will help it.
I would love to blame the headache on the horrible portrayal of the Elizabeth Smart story Lifetime Movie I got sucked into. Terrible.
Mark came home about midnight and I had just felt like I had woken up after a 40 day bender of every awful well drink and crappy under the bar alcohol that the devil had made me drink. Nothing was taking this headache away- then I started throwing up, and feeling totally ill. Bone pain up and down.....
I kindly asked Mark to get out of bed to help me because I just was out of my body. I didn't feel like Brianne at all, I felt like I was just a spirit carrying this sick tattooed body up and down the hallway and into the shower until it felt better.
I looked in the mirror and saw the bald and pale face of something who is getting beat up. I saw the same eyes on my face that my father had for a split second. That wasn't me.
I'm the fight, and my body is just going through the motions.
Worst night so far.
Fear & Loathing Oncology style....
I finally shook it off somewhat around 10am- But it's still lingering like The Situation's fame.
Rehydrating, watermelon, a few minutes outside.... good for the most part,
Now it's like a hovering. My real spirit, the one that fights and makes art and is a mom and is ME is right there. Fighting for the simple vehicle that houses it. But not inside. Because if I connect my spirit with my body without separating the psychic from the medical, I'm not going to be anything but sick.
It is a test. And while I am not looking forward to the next 2 times this happens, I will embrace it because that's what you need to do.
ITS WHAT I NEED TO DO.
I will not give up.
Yesterday was just full of fatigue and rest. and water. and food.
My appetite has not waned at all- although the first few days after chemo- nausea does hit you out of the blue every so often. Keep eating. I LOVE mashed potatoes. and raw broccoli right now.
My lady Terra dropped off some awesome premade quesadillas and quinoa stuffed peppers the other day too that has done good for feeding us when I'd rather not be making anything and Mark's not around. The gifts of dinner have been a godsend :) Some foods are starting to sicken me at the thought of cooking or eating them....Like Pirate Booty Tings? OMG I could eat a whole bag 3 weeks ago- now the mere thought of them make me want to barf.
My mom came over last night at 7pm to give me my Neulasta shot- which kinda hurt.... she had to inject it slow from a pre-filled syringe...so as it went into my arm- it stung. like a bee sting but inside the muscle. After - it felt like she put a cigarette out on my arm, but it went away after a cold pack.
Sorta tattoo like.
She brought some awesome food and treats too. salad, rice.... good stuff.
I'm so grateful :)
My wig also arrived a day early but they sent me the curly one instead of the straight one so I had to get a replacement sent. Curly bob in blue & black does not suit me. It looks like me trying to do Bette Davis in some weird punk rock cancer version of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Crazy eyeliner, baggy eyes. No dead birds though.
Mark came home a little early around 9- and sat with me as we watched the Yankees game that he DVR'd. So we were 2 hours behind and watched it till about 10:30 when we couldn't stay awake anymore.
Mark mentioned how much Chipper Jones from the Braves looked like Jimmy Carter. and 5 minutes later- they showed Jimmy Carter at the game. it was funny at the time I guess. lol.
I slept pretty well last night-
Woke up totally exhausted this morning- kinda achy.... just more tired though. I am having a hard time getting out of bed.... Some minor bone pain- but it comes and goes. I went to the chiropractor yesterday to level the playing field of my joints n muscles before the shot and it's been ok so far. My chiropractor I think has been a huge help in playing the part in the way I feel around all of this. It's relaxing and I feel so much better afterwards. It's good for getting good sleep too.
I sent Mark out with coupons to do some food shopping- and he took Melody with him to give me a break.
Azie stayed here and actually took an order for a salad with a pen and paper for me and made lunch for me. She's so awesome. I can't say it enough.
at this time, I am planning to have Mark drop the kids off with mom tonight so I can get some sleep in and a quiet house tonight. Mark leaves at 6 for work tonight in Jackson....Home around 1-2am. He needs his sleep, so do I and kids waking up at 6am don't jive right now with the way the parents in this house work and feel.
My hair is coming out more and more....lots of bald patches. Food and water are starting to taste metallic.
No getting out of bed for more than 10 minutes at a time today. My ass is whupped. I don't even feel human today. I feel more like a neutral mass full of serious drugs and science experiments. Looking at sunshine physically hurts.
Just not feeling so spectacular today. Keeping a sunny outlook though. ......
General Hospital will never suck me into it's vapid drama.
Despite the day's greyness, it was a great day.
I woke up a little anxious, tired.... and I gave thanks for the blessings in my life as well as the curve balls in a short moment before getting out of bed today.
There's been so much news lately...a baby born, an old friend passing on, major changes.... Revolution begins with major change.... That revolution has to be based in love instead of fear for it to work. Fear is nothing but poison. The revolution could be in your head, or in your heart. Your town, or your country. Revolution breaks through.
Part of my reason for doing not to use negative words when speaking about cancer , is I feel that negativity disrupts whats already been disrupted. Speaking more garbage only breeds more garbage. Once you enter into that chemo room for the first time , you are an instant member of a club. Everyone talks, speaks their experiences, and every single person says that the attitude and the rising above the big C- the words, connotations, bad feelings---- is the key. I know this from my father firsthand.
People who are going through this for the 2nd and 3rd time, all say its attitude.
Azalea told me today that she was scared. She knew I would be ok, but she's still scared. I asked her what she was scared of and in so many words, it's the unknown. I told her that love & fear are two choices. You can love that bad crap and embrace it and hug the enemy and learn all you can from it, and use it to grow positively from....grow from it. Or you can be scared of it, hate it and not learn anything at all. She was surprised when I told her that in order for me to get better- I need to love that cancer. Learn. know it's weaknesses so I can bust it up and get it out. Laughing the entire time as it exits stage left. Because it's here for a reason, but I need to learn my lesson and have it move on..... She got it. She's a bright kid. Tomorrow is the last day of school!
10:30 appointment for chemo #3- I woke up and found that Melody was in a bad mood today. Sorry, hun. Probably sympathy nervous energy + the rain.
My mom picked me up and we headed out. a 50 mile ride through the Pine Barrens veiled in grey clouds. We got to Virtua ... it was a nice drive. I discovered that Virtua used to be the old Memorial Hospital in Burlington built in 1880. You can kinda tell it's old from it's layout and compactness within a residential neighborhood....I love that kinda stuff.
To Elevator B- 4th floor Fox Chase Oncology..... I found I lost 6 lbs since my last visit.
My bloodwork from saturday was excellent!! Phyllis the RN examined the tumors, and measured them with tape- The lymph node seems to have gotten a litte bit bigger.... and yay! the large breast tumor has shrunk! WE HAVE SHRINKAGE!
Fuck yeah. go me!
Chemo went ok, I went to the same 'quiet room' - because of the great vibe in there the first time. I'm not going in any other room from now on. I saw the same couple as last time in with the wife getting her chemo for her 2nd round of breast cancer. They got to meet my mom. I like them a whole lot. We used to have drinkin' buddies. Now I got a chemo buddy. Her name is Heather. Her husband James is great too. Good people.
Same round of AC, same immediate peeing red from the Adriamycin.....I wonder if I'll dream red again.
After this AC chemo- I'll be on the lovely selection of Taxol once a week for 12 weeks. 2 more AC's to go.....
Took half an Ativan this time. I still don't like them.
My nurse navigator dropped off that actual "So you have Cancer" magazine to me today. I laughed in my head when I saw it. With all the pictures of boobs in it, I'm only reading it for the articles. :)
My next chemo was moved to Monday June 25. Gah. more plans messed with. Work, Stonehenge.
That night is my bestest friend in the whole universe's 50th birthday too.
Bummer. First Bruce Hornsby, then Beth's 50th.
All this fun I'm missing will surely be made up for when I kick this mofuggin cancer and I'm gonna have a PARTY.
A nice rainy drive home and we stopped at the organic farm for some
strawberries, chard and spinach. I missed the farm eggs. again. I want
chickens someday.
Tomorrow is the Neulasta shot. eek. possible pains like a "baseball bat to the back" were described, as well as just achy and sore. I don't want a baseball bat.
Right now I feel like I have been up for 12 days straight, and I need to sleep. Thankfully. THANKFULLY Melody the Holy Terror today didn't take a nap and managed to pass out at 5:30. yeah! Looking forward to a hot shower, clean sheets (thanks hun) and resting to the raindrops. sweet bliss.
As I left chemo, I heard that music box lullabye play through the hospital when a new baby is born....
New revolution........
Chemo #2 tomorrow. with the first dose of Neulasta.
I almost feel like chemo #1 till now was sort of a vacation period- no neulasta, and it was 3 weeks between #1 and tomorrow. Now they go to every 2 weeks.
I'm not gonna lie- I hear this Neulasta shot sucks. And I'm a little tentative.
Last chemo- I got to go to the chiropractor the day after- and I think the adjustment really helped since my only major side effect was being tired. The nausea was there too.
I had enough energy to pull off 9 hour workdays most of the time, too. I felt great up until these last few days where walls just came and bonked me in the face outta nowhere, no matter what time it was.
I guess it's just a little anxiety- but my belly's doing somersaults and I just feel a little on edge.
My legs are also itchy but I think that's the chemo working on me not having to shave my legs since I noticed the hair is also falling out on them too. A plus!
I had a great weekend where I got to see my niece, my sister Bethany and brother Jon- I miss them and wish they lived closer sometimes.
My mom is coming with me tomorrow.
I also made it a whole day of wearing the wig at work, too. By the end of the day, it just felt like a tight hat.
The new blue hairdo arrives Thursday!
Got my snack bag packed and I even snuck in some organic oreos.
A little nervous. I'm going to lose myself in some graphic design now and get some very well hydrated sleep.
Boring post today. It would have been more exciting I'm sure if Bruce Hornsby hadn't canceled tonight's show. Boo. I was looking forward to that for weeks.
Next time! You too, Neil Diamond!
The rollercoaster rides again tomorrow ...
xo
love&light
-b
(i was at this show! - and i still remember it's awesomeness!) yay music, yay bruce, yay musical family ......... !
Went out last night and stayed up till the wee hour of 1am for the sake of seeing 2 hours of live music.
Loved it.
It was great to see some folks I hadn't seen in a while.
I went out without a wig or a scarf either, and I felt comfortable. Hooray for eyeshadow crayons and liquid liner. Loving them right now :)
This morning however, I noticed the little stubby hair coming out more and more. A scratch of the head and all this hair pops out. Kinda weird. So I enjoyed the last night out of having a crew cut. Next time I go out I need to rock a wig. or sombrero.
Pretty soon I'll have bald patches, so going out Au Danzaral is not an option anymore. I don't want to look like I just came back from a fabulous vacation to Chernobyl.
So I'll get some more fun wigs and enjoy them. As well as dropping off my good wig at the punk hair salon to personalize it a little bit. It needs a little tweaking.
I paid for yesterday with nothing but being tired today. I had to go out and get the blood test pre-chemo appt. and pick the kids up from my mother's. I couldn't even sleep or nap today, but it just felt good lying down and closing my eyes next to Melody taking a nap for a couple hours. It's been hard to get up and get moving, I got a little boost after today's juice of celery/carrots/beets/chard/collard greens....Mark took the kids on a walk to the supermarket to give me a quiet break, then he leaves for his gig at 7 tonight.
He's been the best husband and dad ever. He always was, but this time he shines. I'm so lucky.
Chugging water like I was a Seaside tourist with beer. I'm already prepping for chemo #2 of 4 on Tuesday. My mom is going to go with me. After the 4 major chemo treatments, I go on another chemo for 12 weeks, once a week. Then surgery. Then possible radiation.
Looking forward. Living forward.
xo
b
edit to add:
8:20 PM- While the kids were watching Finding Nemo, I decided to just do the deed with clippers. Tony Danza haircut is gone - Now I'm nearly bald. Like when Britney went nuts and charged the paparazzi with an umbrella bald. Feels totally weird. But much nicer than having little hairs fall into your food or down the back of your neck for hours on end. The new black and blue short bob wig is arriving shortly. More to come.yay!
I was able to get 3 hours of a nap in today. HOOOOORAY! My mom came by to take Melody around lunch to hang with her and great grandma Mary (Nonna). I needed to sleep so bad I just conked out at 5 and woke up at 8. Still tired though. But oh boy- it was glorious. I was never a nap person, I guess I am now.
2nd day of working 9 hours, it didn't go too bad. I had my moments, but as long as I wasn't pushing through them too much, I was ok. Tomorrow should be lighter.
and Friday. And Mark is playing the Stone Pony with the New Riders of the Purple Sage-Gonna try and go for a few hours and take my niece Jennifer with me...I miss live music.
And my sister is in town from North Carolina! (she's #5 of all us 6)- and she brought me biscuits from the south. my guilty pleasure.
Tomorrow is the 18th day after my chemo where my oncologist says that my hiar is really going to start falling out. He says it happens almost 18 days to the day from the first chemo. . We shall see.
The American Cancer Society sent me a letter today announcing an event for kids whose parents have cancer as well as childhood cancer patients themselves in my town for a Christmas in July party at the local firehouse. It made me cry at how much I know Azalea would love to be around kids who know what she is going through, I am grateful for the ACS. They do amazing work and I'm looking forward to helping them when I get better to help other people like me. They have fun with the kids, and they get their letter for a gift from Santa answered. It's a nice day where everyone has something in common, yet the looming cancer banner gets taken down for a few hours at least. Every day that goes by and the bills are starting to come in , I'm so grateful that I have health insurance through work.
On the topic of sitar music, I'm a big fan of Cheb I Sabbah. He remixes traditional Hindu music and music of India into the modern ear. He was recently diagnosed with Stage IV stomach cancer and is uninsured. I took the time to buy his latest release because all the proceeds benefit his care. I've been such a fan for so many years, how could I not. Here's the link if you like traditional Indian fare electrified music too and you want to support his care as well.... Samara - Benefits Cheb I Sabbah
9 hour work day today then I come home to 2 sweet little children who were very good despite one of them running the other over accidentally with an office chair.
I was totally exhausted when my mom and Jennifer decided to stop by and help clean the kitchen.
I'm thankful for that- but it was also a little stressful. I'm not the best housekeeper and the events of the past 2 years have really taken a toll on the house, my sanity and life in general. I keep it clean, just not clean enough for my mom, god love her. My niece rocks and was a huge help. I told her I would take her to the Jersey Shore house and store to thank her for her help sometime this week. She's from Georgia so she'll finally get to see what the real boardwalk is like.
Trying to get some graphic work done this evening. It's restful work sitting in this chair at least and I'm finally getting to make some of that stuff called art I used to do way back in the day. It fills up the part of me that needs creativity. I can sit for hours and have a poster design down- then bam- i decide I don't like it at all and spend another 6 hours making another one.
Tired , but feeling ok otherwise.
I am finding that resting is serious discipline. I think I might seriously have adult ADD.
Why is relaxing so difficult?
There is no herb, tea, pill or remedy besides meditation that works- it's almost a curse sometimes.
gah.
I think I need a constant flow of sitar music in my ears. That might work.
I used to listen to this Ravi Shankar/George Harrison tape all the time at work... and I had it in my car for the longest time... I need to find it digital. Chants of India.
Good stuff.
(I just remembered how much it blissed me out. good job Brianne!)
Celebration!
The liver came back a-ok. We have a happy clear liver and I got to see the coolest 3d photo of my insides.
I'm all squishy wishy inside. Thanks for all the love & light, everyone ....!!!!
I've also moved past the scarf on my head to just my head.
I went to the imaging place for the MRI with a scarf, and Mark and I had
breakfast afterwards- after that I just pulled off the scarf and went
Au Danzaral. I don't care anymore.
I managed to include some fun dangly earrings and eye makeup and I think
i pulled it off. I feel much more comfortable this way and most likely
I'll be rocking the bald if I don't feel up to a blue or green wig.
My nice wig is too much right now- I either need to wear it more as if I
was breaking in shoes, or it's just not meant for me. Either way
insurance covered the cost.
My hair is starting to come out more, though. I ran my hand through some hair and it came out in a small chunk. Then more, and more after that. So weird too. And you can actually feel it as your head gets this weird pins and needle tingly feeling. That the feeling of your hair saying sayonara.
It's a silly makeover. You get cancer- then all your hair falls out so you don't have to shave any legs or pluck any eyebrows, you lose a bunch of weight (I lost 9 lbs in the last 3 weeks), and you get to write off glitter eyeliner as a viable expense. Not to mention the new free boobs you get at the end. It's a weird journey towards a look you never expected to ever have.
Today was a very tired day- afer the MRI and breakfast- we decided to
check out the mega thrift store on Route 38- while I was there I just
hit a wall and got tired real fast. Great thrift store though.
Dr. Miller called as we had just gotten onto Magnolia Road bound home
via 70 - we missed the call, so I pulled over and he left a message
about the MRI being clean and clear and all good. Mark pumped his fist
and we called our moms. :) It was a great moment. I knew the liver was
fine.
I'm loving Magnolia Rd... it's a gorgeous stretch of 6 miles connecting 38 and 70.... it's got a magic to it.
I told Mark after my first drive down it it was so beautiful he had to
see it for himself and write a song about it, so he did. Just in time
for the new album. It's such a great tune.
I slept and rested for the rest of the day- my butt is whupped.
After all that's said and done, I'm so happy that I can stay in Stage 3 and my heart goes out to those who aren't so lucky. I'm grateful every day for the fact I don't have to live with this for the rest of my life. I cannot even imagine what it must be like.
Yankees right now are kickin some Rays butt 7-0, and for me, Matsui just doesn't look right in another uniform. It's so cool to see the support he's getting from the yankee fans though. Makes ya feel good.
Today was better than yesterday and tomorrow never knows, but I'll project for a better day than today ....
*love*
Today isn't the best of days. I wasn't able to get past 3 hours at work when I had to go home. a raging headache made crazy by flourescent lights, plus a nausea to match. I just laid down and vegged.
I have to type this in pieces because I feel like garbage if I sit up too long at the computer desk.
I'm also dealing with a 6 day sore throat that I'm assuming is from the chemo.
I am very much enjoying this new haircut. If I feel better later I'm going to have Mark take out the clippers and even it out since I was dealt a pretty hasty haircut the first time. It's all patchy. Not to mention it's falling out so pretty soon the Tony Danza haircut will be replaced by bald and beautiful.
I still try to not get my 'hair' wet when I take a shower, it's like a phantom limb.
Having all that hair was a lot of work. This is easier.
I love it though. I tried to work with the wig today- I made it past the first hour before taking it off and putting a scarf on instead. Noone I work with really cares so it's chill. Very cool.
My niece Jennifer flew in from Georgia last night and she's staying with my mom , who took Melody today.
I had to pick her up from Newark Airport, and I relished in the small moment being there at an airport that got me the closest to a vacation as I am gonna get for a while.
MRI of the liver tomorrow. Dr. Miller will call me the minute he sees something weird. Or sees nothing at all.
I'm dealing with one of the crappier days today, but I'm dealing.
I'm finding that sometimes the moments where reality gets through a crack and runs into your mind like a trainwreck really aren't fun. Like things are way too much at times and I just have to step back and take a deep breath and regroup. But it's an exercise in becoming stronger - every time that happens it's almost like I have run out of ammo and I'm just reloading the cannon.
Sometimes I'm the matador, sometimes I'm the bull.
I miss my kids when I feel like this and they're gone. I want to hug them, and snuggle in my bed with them....but my mom took Azalea once she got off the bus, and Melody is staying over another night. The break I get is bittersweet precious...and necessary. Jennifer is there to help her so it's a cousin fest. They're all having a great time up the road at Grandma's and I miss my babies. I'm spending the rest of the day solo to get my last food in before 4am, to sleep , and close my eyes with my thoughts and good intentions. Mark is up the road in Belmar recording tonight..... quiet evening at home.
Starring : Brianne Diomede as "The Cancer Patient"
Azalea Diomede as "The Best Kid on the Planet"
Attendees: Jen Augustine, Alexis Robinson and Beth Oros.
Photos by Beth Oros
Soundtrack: by The Annoyas, Jane's Addiction, West Ham United Soccer Team, & Talvin Singh
Key Grip: Lucy
Catering : Jason's Organic Pizza Cafe
Extras: bennies on the road. driving stupidly.
I have to say that the feeling of water on a head with no hair is fabulous.
yay!
In doctor waiting rooms, there's always magazines. It's always nice to be able to find a nice story on someone dealing with cancer every once in a while. I often thought that they should come up with a fashionable cancer magazine. Like pieces on trendy wigs or active meditation exercises for chemo patients, stories of survivorship, and stuff. Like Cosmo or some magazine that's of the supermarket checkout ilk. The "So you have cancer" publications that litter an oncologist's waiting room are sterile and don't provide any real information like "never shave again! hot new chemos that get rid of the hair fast. Just in time for summer!" or "Men who love bald" with sexy bald ladies in plunging necklines and velvet draped ports on the covers. Really. I think it would make people feel like they have a life rather than deal with depressing stuff like death or being sick. Laughing would be encouraged. All these magazines try their best to convey "you are a real person" but in reality they are generic explanations of what chemo does to you and to be careful of constipation. Who wants to read that kind of stuff?
I don't like using words with negative connotations when speaking about cancer. It's negative enough just saying "cancer".
unless your an astrologer.
I'm walking through this with my head up as high as I can get it and a damn smile on my face. I am extremely grateful for every single day, every person I meet, and know, and all the things around me.
Is it weird to be grateful for the shitty experiences too? The amazing teachers they are, how can you not be?
Seriously, life is great. Wherever you go, there you are. Serious is boring.
......
I went to the chiropractor again today to keep the works going. My chiropractor is great. He fixes my pinched nerves, headaches and work related maladies perfectly. Right before I was diagnosed, he was watching a webinar of another chiropractor who treated cancer patients and combined traditional treatments with regular adjustments. Overall- the study says that the outcome is so much better for patients who combine the two plus acupuncture, massage therapy, reiki, etc. It's great to see the medical profession really cool with the other side of medicine.
It's always the side I went with since an infant. My mom never took us to doctors, we always went to the chiropractor. If we had a cold, we were better the next day with a simple adjustment.
Sad to see some other people who claim the title of chiropractor and use it to bilk their patients out of good $, xrays, and unnecessary 'regular' visits. Those folks are quacks.
Always a fan of a great chiro. :)
and I'm looking forward to a great sleep from the visit.
.....
I'm enjoying a rare glass of red wine tonight - I've had 2 since the chemo started- Tonight I toast my awesome hair, and I'm treating myself to some funky nail polish and a small night of prettying myself up in prep for the big hair funeral tomorrow. I'm from New Jersey- we stereotypically mourn the loss of big hair.
Waxing nostalgic for times when I could walk into the Korean nail parlor and get the works, but I'm infection prone and I can't be doing that. But I miss those awesome Koreans. Noone does eyebrows like USA Nails on Bridge Ave.
As far as air conditioning- it's ironic how I had to deal with sweltering conditions without AC, then it got fixed and it cools down. LOL. I did find out however that the vents and the vents only had been cleaned in the past- never the main unit- so this was the first time the AC was cleaned since it was installed 39 years ago. Good thing this is a family house.Holy crap 39 years.
It smells awesome, the AC goes all over the house and I don't have to crank it anymore.
:)
Ironic that my first phase of chemo is also called AC.
and I love Atlantic City too. With my propensity for attracting infection, a trip to the slots and roulette tables are out of the question, along with the new tattoo I was planning on getting, the trip out west I wanted, and train rides up to NYC.
Can't . Do . Most. Anything. Fun. :( Hmph.
I am really looking forward to the husband and New Riders of the Purple Sage at the Pony on the 8th. eeeeeeek. Buddy Cage was also recently diagnosed with multiple myeloma just like my dad was so I hope I get a chance to give him a hug.
He's a friend to Mark and has played on a few albums of his so we're looking forward to seeing him. Mark has been in the studio recording a new album, and Buddy agreed to contribute. I'm really psyched.
Neil Diamond in NY on the 10th, Bruce Hornsby on the 11th in Asbury- so many crazy awesome shows I want to do them all!!!!! I should get them in before the storm really hits, no? I got my live nation employment connections, might as well see if they work. :)
sooooooooo excited!
