xo

DAY109

Nothing much more today than yesterday.......
More just being tired where I actually fell asleep during the day. Something I wish I could do every day....

I don't sleep much - I do lie down a lot-
 falling asleep is always hard because the thoughts never go away.

Otherwise---Really happy to have my hair be growing back again- if it gets long enough, I can stop wearing scarves!
yay!
------------------------------
Tomorrow is 9/9- our wedding anniversary :)
( 9 !!)
We'll be celebrating 12 years of marriage. I'll always describe it as a long strange trip.
Things like birthdays, holidays, anniversaries- they're all different now- more of a meaning to it now - but they always had meanings---- this time they're all just...different...

I stand back and have this view on life now where I am here. Life is there.
I can choose to swim in its gorgeous waters, or flop on dry land without any hope for finding the water again.
It's a detached sense of existence- where the weekly sales at the grocery store, the weekend nights out, the bills that come every day just don't matter. They seem small and petty almost.
But I always choose to swim.
There's a bigger reason to live. There's a place I like to be in living every day where every moment is EXPERIENCED and IN THE MOMENT.
Hugging my kids, watching Finding Nemo for the millionth time. That's a place in my little universe here in space and time that connect with the other moments and are making a comfy blanket in the universe for me right now.
I can't describe it. My kids, my husband, the life I have lived for 14 years- it's the greatest house ever for the life I live right now and for that I am grateful for every day.I do what I can to help those around me the best I can- the rest is saved for my energy and rest.
Very little room is left for gratuitous free time stuff like drawing or painting or sewing- I have these creative urges like crazy to make all this stuff - but I can't since it's just so physically impossible to use that time when I need to rest. It drives me nuts!! lol. There is so much art there at my fingertips!!

My hexagon skirt will get made some day.

I have all these plans for a new output of art when  get better.
It's already been 5 years in the making.

.....
I miss you, happy little clouds.....*sigh*
b