just keep swimming......

DAY102

Holy hell- 102 days! It seemed like just yesterday I was at 40 days and totally wandering in the desert just like Moses.

Time flies when you are having fun, I guess.

It's 6:19 AM- I have been awake for 2 hours and I can't lie down anymore. Insomnia is also a pleasant side effect of chemotherapy.
You have days where you crash HARD out of nowhere at say 3pm, where not even a flaming bundt pan in the oven gets you up. Because I'm a mom and flaming bundt pans are what moms jump for I guess. I don't even own a bundt pan.....but anyway- yes- you get very tired.
Not sure why this does not happen at night, though.
And I'm also not sure why I am up at this hour on a SATURDAY morning, before both my children when I get up at this time for work during the week and it's crappy dragging myself out the door.
Really?


I'm sure I'll pass out by 11am......
Coffee now.
................

As I wait for the water to boil, I have to say that my day started with getting the awesome news of a friend who is also dealing with breast cancer that her recent lumpiness is benign. My heart leapt with joy, literally reading that. Those 'sheer joy' moments are so precious these days.
Congrats, Nancy!!

.................

grounds are soaking in french press. I am enjoying peace and quiet in my house. My head is racing a mile a minute, but peace is in the house.
Last night we all took a trip as coworkers and friends converged at the boardwalk and watched the moon rise at the north bar by the inlet in Point Pleasant. Mark and Tim were performing acoustic, everyone had a great time, My mom even came out with us! Labor Day weekend. The summer was just a blur of chemo appointments mostly. The live music was my favorite part though. I can't wait till next summer when I can enjoy the sun again. And the tourists are going HOME. yay :)
I've been planning the days when I rise above this wicked metamorphosis and go back to life. 2 weeks in the Utah and Arizona deserts is what I want the most. I really miss out west and we were planning on going, but this shit happened and well- what are ya gonna do?
I should be back right around next year, summertime hopefully.

Coffee is ready. ah coffee.
I love coffee so much. I like it especially when I have it in a giant real coffee mug rather than a travel mug. love that.
With cancer- the little things like real coffee mugs can make your morning so much. It sounds silly, but it's true.
I'm listening to the WFMU live stream of delicate early morning music- it's a nice break from the endless stream of Finding Nemo this house has been subjected to in the interest of peace lately.
best radio station on earth. this morning's show....

I get to skip the monday chemo and go right to tuesday next week- because Monday is Labor Day and it's also the 15th anniversary of me turning 21. hurrah. I love when that happens.
I'll be 36. (3+6=9)

Coffee music silence over. The youngest just woke up....... Let's find Nemo again!
(I actually really like the movie and don't mind it ..."just keep swimming...swimming......") The part where the fish swim down while they're in the net makes me cry every time.
My sister and neice came in last night from Atlanta, it'll be awesome to see them. (For anyone wondering- I have 2 older sisters and a younger sister and 2 younger brothers. a sort of brady bunch.)
I don't see all of my siblings as much as I like... They all live down south with the exception of Jon, who lives in Brooklyn. I love when I get to see them though. We are close knit with a bizarre sense of humor.....
I love my family. :)

Feeling pretty good this week. I had the fatigue, but overall, ok. Not so much of the bad nasty bone pain , which I am grateful for. It's still there though every day. My hair is growing back too- I have a nice 1/4" of fuzz on my head. It looks funny. Not sure how I am growing peach fuzz, yet my eyebrows and eyelashes starting coming out more. I have half the amount as I did last week. eek. And sadly, mascara is becoming a distant friend as removing it takes out eyelashes. boohoo. Cherish your eyelashes people! They are very underrated.Waking up after a night of serious eyeliner and mascara, I could easily pass for a bald Liza Minelli after a crazy bender of pills and scotch.
Eyebrows, I'm kind of enjoying having a what an Italian drag queen dreams of. Little eyebrows as opposed to the facial shrubbery I was gifted through Mediterranean DNA.
They still look funny though. It takes about a half hour just to do my eyes to go out- so lately I just don't. An Italian without any hair on her eyes is a sight.Now I really look like I have cancer. . I don't care though. And that's what big sunglasses are for.
Finger and toe nails- meh. Lifting. slowly.
Taking care of them as best as I can. Enjoying the medical nail polish.....
Just another day in paradise.
*deep breath*
Just keep swimming.....




hope you all have a safe and awesome holiday weekend!
much love!
xo