After the diagnosis Wednesday, I found myself - arms outstretched and freaking out, angry and not knowing the whole full picture of what lies ahead. Enter 3 days of shitty food and red wine to ease the soul. I'm not into the whole idea of Xanax or anti-anxiety medications- because they have no effect on me.
Today we turn the corner and start bombing the hell out of cancer cells with the good food. Got myself a nice new Ninja 1200 food annihilator for better juicing than my regular crappy juicer. it makes all kinds of stuff. and thank god for Lowe's credit. lol.
Loaded up on a bills worth of organic veggies, kombucha, and good stuff for my body to stop this cancer shit from growing. Really gonna cleanse it all out. I wish I had done the master cleanse in the beginning of the year in hindsight.
Thoughts are starting to infiltrate my bubble- It was like flipping a switch that turned off the old me, and turned on the light to see this path ahead of me. A summer with no hair and no sun, wondering if chemo is gonna make me feel like shit, and I have the sisters who have done this already giving me advice which helps so much. I saw and lived with cancer patients, but being one is totally different.
Still have yet to do the abdomen CAT scan and full body bone scan on Monday. I have to drink this crazy barium stuff for one scan, then go get injected with radioactive isotopes for the next one. 2 in one day. I'm gonna glow in the dark Monday night!
Tuesday I need to go back into work for the first time since I left for lunch and never came back.
Wednesday is the heart scan in Toms River and then off to Mount Holly for the 45 minute MRI. More radioactive stuff.
test test test.
My pathology still hasn't revealed what type of cancer cells these are..... and the tests will show the doctor just how far the cancer has spread past the lymph node if it has, as well as making sure my heart and bones are ok for the chemo.
All these tests, driving 50 miles each way - you think a lot. You cry. You get mad. You sing at the top of your lungs. (I've been doing all these drives and tests by myself since my mom isn't home yet and Mark is home with Melody during the days) .
Just exhausted today. Thankfully Mark comes home early from his gig tonight so I can finally gets some time with him.
My friend Tatum stopped by with some really pretty flowers and a hug yesterday, and my best friend and virtual sister Beth came to stay with me last night. We watched Mommie Dearest and laughed and drank wine and it was just so good.
I'm weirdly not looking forward to going out next week. Something seems safer inside for me to stay home, but it's the last night out before chemo so.... bring on the Old Bay!~
xoxo
b
3 comments:
can't wait to see your face on Sat. if you're up for it, come to the party 1st! :)
i love you so so much. xoxoxoxo
love love love. don't worry about the cleanse, this was years in the making, not just months. <3
drink tons of water today to get the contrast out asap.
i'm guessing you have a notebook, take notes, know who to call with questions you think of shortly after leaving because there will almost certainly be some! :)
i wish i could go to every appt with you. thinking of you lots. <3 nkind.
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