in the wee small hours of the morning.

the time is now 4:10, and y'all are watching Perspectives!...

DAY2
Couldn't sleep so good - woke up drenched in sweat and having really weird and bizarre dreams, talking in my sleep so much I was waking up myself up having imaginary conversations with Mark.
Red was a prevalent color...like a Kubrick movie or something. Maybe the red chemo colored my dreams too.
or Frank LLoyd Wright decided to visit me and create my brain into "FallingWater"
I felt covered in toxin sweat so i took a shower.
I'm just very tired, can't sleep. thirsty and i need to keep my stomach full.

More racing thoughts go through my head. The cancer has a 50% chance of being in another organ being it be so concentrated on a lymph node.The doctor said 50%, so I say 0%. Numbers are only fun when they are meant to measure actual planes.
dig?

(posting now 4 hours later)
I got a little more sleep- I had to get up to stay upright for an hour or two. I feel tired, with a weird pain in my chest- nothing serious though- it feels like a bone thing.
I doubt I'm starting to get side effects already....
Doing lots of breathing...Good In, Garbage Out. Good In, Garbage OUT.

Another side thought is my body's weird obsession with the right side for issues. and I truly wonder if these are all connected- because basically- these are also kinda lymphatic, if you think about it. A number of months ago I suffered from a severe tooth infection from a previous extraction which needed my jaw to get cut open, infection removed and 2 inches of my jaw and teeth removed. It was probably the worst tooth infection and most painful I have ever had. Right side (lymph nodes under the jaw and very deep dental roots) ... and my neck/back nerves were getting pinched very terribly lately- the past 6 years. So bad where I couldn't hold a pen, or paint without my hand shaking.
I finally found a massage therapist who fixed it- and then subsequently found a new chiropractor (Dr. Mark!) who has been treating it from then on. Muscles work with the lymphatic system. Right side.
I'm right handed too.
Most of my tattoos are on my left side, maybe the right side was getting jealous?

Time for a lymphatic balance something. This new green juicing with help this too I'm sure... More googling. lol.

and that was just a small bit of what keeps me awake at night.

Now that I am armed with more info about my cancer, I can get started on target specific reading, which I was craving this whole time.
It's a good feeling to know 90% of the picture at least....

More to be added later I'm sure. Off for more rest and more phone calls to make sure everything is ok with the Neulasta drama....

6:24 PM-
I'm hitting a wall.
It's kinda difficult trying to keep a 20 month old in line on an especially cranky day feeling like this.
I just want to lie down and rest. Mark left for his teaching job today from about 4-9.
Azalea has been such a huge help. Melody can be a handful for anyone. I'm giving my mom the day off  today because the next 2 days for me are going to not be fun.
Starting to feel the ick sinking in, nauseous, blech. Drinking lots of water, nibbling food here and there and the juice.
So I'm making dinner and planning on hitting the hay with Melody early, providing she'll lie down with me and I get a break.
I went to the chiropractor today- I feel a lot better from that at least......
Otherwise, it's an icky feeling end to an otherwise sunshine day :)
No neulasta - they are giving me a 3 week window on this chemo till June 12 for the next one. Then I get the Neulasta shots and the chemo goes back to the 2 week scehdule. This 3 week hiccup actually might allow me to go to Stonehenge :) (the PA festival- not england) ...
Anyway- my mom came over to help. - I'm gonna lie down and chill. Till tomorrow folks ....


another side note: Rest in Peace, Robin Gibb <3 loved his music so much :)