I am not having fun with this.
Not that cancer is any fun at all besides getting the good parking spaces, but just when ya think you can't get knocked down - you get knocked down more.
Radiation is moving along well in between days off and holidays- I'm feeling a slight start to a 'burn' - but then again- my breast and armpit are completely numb so I'm fortunate to not be able to feel the whole shebang.
But I'm starting to feel something.
But I'm sick. Nauseousness everywhere. Haven't thrown up since that last time...but golly this really sucks.
This could easily be the Tamoxifen too- I just don't know. I'm just nauseous a good part of every day.
The hot flashes, insomnia, and leg pain are also old friends that have come back to roost.
Add to the healing of the torso and it's fun time. Mark asked me last night how to describe what bothers me- the feeling of having this surgery has moved past broken glass seatbelts and healed into the nice feeling of an adult wearing very small and tight clothing. Only it's my skin. That's how it feels. Like wearing really tight control top pantyhose all over your body.
I guess the tightness of the belly will go away with time. But the feeling of pressure, tightness, and limited mobility - it's kind of annoying. It gets bloated too for whatever reason.
My arm is another story- being done with physical therapy I am not sure how it's supposed to heal from here. I am certainly not a fan of not kowing what the deal is with a bum right arm- I just wonder when it will be when I can type for an hour and not have my arm start to swell. Or hurt. I want my old arm back.
It's a 24 hour feeling of just uncomfortable.
It's one of those days where I am questioning my radiation again. I got into the waiting room today and noticed the tech sitting down with a woman telling her that what they did didn't work, and they have to re-do something. I don't like hearing those conversations. Especially before I go to get my daily dose and they forgot to put the thing under my knees to hold me still. So I had to do it myself and hold very still on my own.
I just want to get through this. With no problems, or conversations that "They didn't do it right". Not a fan of when people who don't have their shit together. Um- ESPECIALLY when dealing with cancer treatments. This is a small slice of what it would have been like if I got my treatments closer to home. Really.
I managed to get an extra 4 weeks from disability- so the rest will help and the radiation can get done without stressing out about work.
I'm starting to really stress out about work and just everything today. Ugh.
and nauseous on top of it.
Bad day in the cancer reality. Bad day. Boo.
I need a better day than today.
8 comments:
i've heard of them doing up to 4 dry runs so maybe it was just something like that they had to do over. i don't like that you could so easily overhear that! :-p don't let them forget the knee rest again and make sure they're gentle with that bolus when things get sensitive. i don't think any of my techs had actually had to go through radiation before so they didn't know what it was like when they slapped that thing on and ripped it off or jabbed it into the armpit. i also spoke up about getting a blanket on days i felt chilly and asked that the radio be turned up.
are you using anything on the tight skin like vitamin e oil? it's really helped me, i use a paintbrush to apply it. lol.
lots and lots of love to you. xoxoxxoxoxoxoxo
I don't like that I overheard it either.
They gave me Aquaphor, but my tried and true skin cream comes from a home maker in Albany- I loooove their hemp/olive oil lotion - I just ran out and ordered more. Ironically- the name of the soap company is Rad Soaps. lol.
A paintbrush?
Good to know, It'll be an excuse to go shopping for paintbrushes. I love those :) xo ! (thanks mama- so much love!)
Thinking of you Brianne. I now have you on my blog list so I can keep up with you better. Bad cancer days are no good. :(
I had a CT scan today and the tech was putting the IV in my hand (which I dislike highly) and she says "Whoops! The needle went all the way through your vein!" needless to say, she had to find a different spot...thanks for the bruises lady! She was, however, very apologetic...:)
I hope you get some relief soon, love you.
Thinking of you too, Michelle... Isn't it so weird we had this at the same time? Hang in there- I'm sorry you had a seamstress nurse :( ... love you mama xo
they didn't caution you about using oils during rad?? (yes, very ironic on the name!) i used soaps with oils in them and they told me to switch for the duration of treatment - that additional oils on the skin can amplify the burning. you sure won't want that!!! after rads and for surgical skin i found that it was alll about oils, nothing else worked as fast as oil. (and a pile of crappy t-shirts! lol)
LOOOOOVE YOU!!! xoxoxo
hmmm, i guess it was only a restriction on oils on the exact treatment area now that i think about it, it would have been fine to use a lotion with oil elsewhere. it was too much of a bother to try to limit where soap lather went tho'! ;-)
Brianne- I've been away from your blog for a while. I thought you were done with everything once your surgery was over! I'm sorry to see that's not the case. Damn.
I hope today is better for you. Love and light from fire rocket <3
they told me to use lotion- but never during treatment or course. just after and before bed. Soap I'm using bronner's with no problem. I need all the lavender I can get :)
looove you too!
xo
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