Trudging through the Taxol dose.... It just has to be the leftover AC running through my veins that's kicking my ass. Everyone says Taxol is so much 'easier'.
This is the third day of TIRED. I have never been so tired in all of my life.
I was awake for 42 hours straight once- 26 of those hours in hard labor with no pain meds. 2 hours of pushing a baby out of my body.
I was tired after that- but that doesn't come close to this. At all.
I managed to make it out to a small farmer's market in Bay Head for about 15 minutes yesterday- Mark had to drive.
I needed fresh air badly and we were about a tenth of a mile from the Atlantic Ocean- the breeze was divine.
So we go every week now- putting on my boots and getting ready for the battle. No off weeks this time, gauging work and drugs every single week till October now- not knowing what every day is going to bring.
I do have a respect for the spirit of all that lives on this earth- plants, trees, people- Taxol being from the yew tree, I looked up more on the yew and was pleasantly surprised to read about it's mystical roots going way back thousands of years as being a poison tree, but one that does not die. It symbolizes rebirth, renewal, life, and is highly revered among those into the plant kingdom's healing tools. The spirit of this tree, it's all it's grand poisonous stature contradictory to it's eternal life and healing compounds, is inside me right now.
This is the different feeling. It's more organic and body friendly. But mentally, very different.
I'm wacky like this. But I honestly believe in the divine nature of all living things. Every living thing on this planet is connected. Truly.
It makes it easier to make peace with this drug knowing it's roots.
(hah hah- roots. I made a funny)
I started putting the yew into the latest art piece I have been working on too.
Every day, it's like the giant wheel on the game shows- each section is a new symptom or feeling when you wake up to a new day. Right next to my bed the minute I open my eyes.Spin the wheel!
Yay! Today, you landed on Neuropathy. You'll be magically whisked away to a....chair! to put your feet up and experience the thrill of pins and needles, dull pain and numbness in your feet and hands all day long!!! yay!!!!
I am manifesting spinnning to the one section that says "GOOD DAY" every day.
Gonna do my best to get past this drug funhouse. Lots of B6, 12, Glutamine and exercise when I can.
And my nails. I think of you every day, Nancy when I look at my nails, and I can hear you in my head to take care of them. :)
One don't really realize how much they use your fingernails every day- Dishes and laundry have become Mark's job.
I cut them down the other day and painted 4 coats of nail polish on them, with the hope that it will keep them from becoming ugly and coming off of my fingers. Toes are next to get glittered.
I'm on a ship at sea, with no charted course right now. Just me, my boat, my poison tree and a big prize wheel. and a LabCorp technician to draw blood every Friday.
have a delightful weekend folks. Hug a tree :)
xo
b
2 comments:
:) i bought those white cotton gloves from walgreen's first aid section and i sometimes wear them around the house if i'm doing stuff. they protect my nails from bumps and any 'lift' which is the really bad thing to do and remind me to sloooow down, which protects my feet.
keep on doing it, you're doing great!!! xoxo
You are a Brave, woman.. these stories that I read, brings tears to my eyes.. in a weird sorta good way.. but yet.. the part of you hurting I wish I could take away.. You are inspiring so many with the stories and your walk through all of this.. I am so very proud to call you my friend.. I think you should have this published after all this is said and done.. I think it gives insight to what cancer patients are going throuhg, and it can be a walk through of what to expect if you have cancer.. <3
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