back to reality

the party is ending....

"it'll get worse before it gets better".
Oh hell YES- this morning woke me up with a burning chest pain probably my lung dealing with rad burns too. If my outside looks this bad, I would hate to see what my insides look like.

It's uncomfortable. At least I am sleeping more continuous hours than I was. Still up at around 4:30-5am. Which is a nice 2 hours before children wake up so I can have coffee, blog, watch TV, get ready for the day. Lord knows I'm done by 2.
Just gotta get through his healing process and get on.
STILL waiting on OSHA, and making do with all the phone calls you have to make when you lose your health insurance. Dr. Patel's receptionist and I have been becoming friends- I called her to tell her the good news that I got fired and lost my insurance- and she had never had that happen to a patient ever.

In NJ- thankfully under this new law- I can get low cost health insurance through the state with my pre-existing condition. The catch is I have to be WITHOUT health insurance for 6 months. So I have to go that route right now and paying cash for the followups until coverage kicks back in in July hopefully.

Fun times.

Every little thing is gonna be all right. I'm not worried about money so much as my health. the next 6 months will be fun, I'm sure.

A LOT of paperwork. and phone calls. and just a tad bit of stress.
I just wish these OSHA results would hurry up- I saw one case similar that took 6 months. But they didn't have half the chemicals and solvents we did. Our shop was BAD.
Methylene Chloride is used in stripped paint and furniture and bathtub refinishing too. OSHA got one company for allowing their bathtub guys to use it- he and a whole mess of people died from the fumes.
It's also the same chemical that they soak coffee beans in to decaffeinate them.
The South Korean Government even recognizes methyelene chloride as a cause for breast cancer. When my own government and even MEDICAL community couldn't care less.
Methylene chloride was just the small part of the puzzle of a chemical soup.
I just hope they find it all. Still so pissed. That's going to be an anger I need to work out for a long time.

In other news, we are supposed to be getting this huge blizzard today- which would be nice. It keeps the man home when it snows bad. I love when our family is snowed in. Haven't experienced it yet with an eternally cranky 2 and a half year old yet though. It's usually spent making something of some kind, then going stir crazy. I have collected pieces of boardwalk from the beach post Sandy and I'm going to paint them I think. It's small enough canvas for my arm- and doesn't hurt it too bad.
I gotta get back into drawing and stuff again or I am going to go CRAZY. Not being able to tie dye hurts enough. I drew and painted a poster for a friend's band recently- the date of the show is his 1 year anniversary of cancer remission, so I busted out a blue Ganesh just for him. Remover of Obstacles. I figured I'd share mine. I have a big blue one tattooed on my back that I just love. :)
So this is my first completed project with the new arm. I'm also working on Mark's new album's cover- which is forever for me to complete. I really can't draw like this for longer than a hour at a time- I hope it's building back all the mechanisms that were damaged.

The arm is still behaving- I had a bad day yesterday between Melody kicking me square int he arm as I changed her diaper- and it started to swell and just be aggravated. All that scar tissue in there just got burned too so I just imagine a smoking earth inside of me- like a tiny hell. Poor armpit. Cancer came to town and we had to literally bomb the area. I have a little Dresden, Germany from 1945 inside me. My poor armpit never knew what hit it.

I can't even feel most of it too- but I can feel it- it's so weird. It itches- but you can't feel when you scratch it. My right arm's nerves and nodes and contents from the elbow up were removed through my nipple. ISN'T THAT NUTS?! Typing this is aggravating it actually. So I gotta cool it on the jabber before I hurt myself- lol.
Gotta save the arm for art. and for snowballs with the kids....arggggh!!!! (gently)

stay warm, loves.


xo
b