(weekend) (tired beyond belief!)

Weekends are "days off", but I figured I'd blog because again- I spoke too soon.

I said I couldn't sleep.
HA.
Today the radiation train hit me like a ton of giant 1 ton bricks-
I woke up and just had to go back to bed. Here it is 4pm and I just can't do much besides sit up for a few minutes - then I lose all steam and have to lie down again.

This is like the first rounds of AC- Just soooooooo tired.

And my boss incidentally wanted me to work through this. Is he crazy?

Sorry- this one couldn't work through it- this is just another wringer the body goes through. Serious shit too.
The more I think about him being so ready for me to waltz back in after 12 weeks, the angrier I get.

I look 10 years older when i look in the mirror- but I'm trying to justify that with recent lack of sleep.
My eyebrows that I happily tweezed once they grew in in their bushy glory aren't growing back, and my hair's slowed down a bit. I'm a half inch away from having Ryan Seacrest's hair stylist.

Today I just couldn't deal with the kids in the house, I was so exhausted I had to ask my mom to take them. I haven't had to do that for a while. Melody is just in a phase where she is a terrible two with screaming and disobeying and I try to keep it together and discipline, but I can't today. I just can't. I give up for 24 hours because it's too much energy and I'm not 100% here. It's the frustrating part of being a mom with cancer. You can't give yourself fully to your kids.
It's sad sometimes. But I keep going the best I do.

I am so calmed by the fact that I don't have to go back to work- it was a place I wish i didn't have to go to for a long time- I prayed to win the lotto so I could go back to being that stay at home mom again. Nowadays, money is just paper, and my kids mean more to me than any stupid job that puts their employees in harm's way directly.
And I feel calmed that this blog isn't public anymore and I can say what I feel.
Not having that stress in my life is going to be so good for me...

If anyone wishes to come over here, I just need an email address to invite you....
xo
b