radiation -days8 & 9

More 9 weirdness:::
Today is the 9th day of the year, January 9th, and my 9th radiation was today at 9am.
Par for the course.  of course!

I am starting feel the burn get a little more uncomfortable. It's like getting a sunburn from the inside out. It feels like it's lurking and slowly moving to the surface. I'm scared of it's arrival. So I lotion and sit and wait. My fatigue is kicking up a few notches too.
Which I am totally grateful for. Tamoxifen's insmonia is hell. It is a welcome feeling to actually want to sleep.

And dream! I finally had a dream last night. My hair all fell out and so did my eyebrows. I looked in the mirror and got very upset that I had worked so hard, yet I felt I was still at square one. A few minutes later and my hair had grown back.
And I've been watching Parenthood too and catching up on the storyline. One of the characters discovers a lump and she is diagnosed with breast cancer. Chemo, hair loss, the whole nine. I haven't gotten too far into it yet so don't tell me what happens.
What a portrayal. I applaud them because this shows what it really is like and not the sweet pink ribbon stuff you see every place else. It's real. and raw and whoever the actress is - she's great. The eternal fear on her face is some acting technique. Unlike this show- it is very rare to see an actual actor's depiction on TV of breast cancer that's so real. It's so real. Right down to the kale smoothies. lol.  Check it out if you care to take a look at a bigger picture. It really does justice to what it does to a whole family, too. I see so  many alike parallels in that show compared to me and others--- and I just have to give a hand to the show.

Still feeling crappy here and there- slooowly getting better every day. The night sweats seem to be getting worse actually. Last night I changed my teeshirt 3 times because it was so soaked. And sweaty skin + radiation burns really suck. Especially when you can;/t sleep and your sheets are all grody and bleh. BLEH.
I am also not allowed to wear deodorant for radiation so I sweat all nasty after my shower and those poor techs have to be near my stanky menopausal sweating armpits. Poor ladies. They said they have smelled worse though- so yay! I'm not "that bad!"
 


I also finally got to talk to the oncologist about my ER visit- they just want me to keep an eye on things, and stay vigilant. But nothing was found and they think it was probably an isolated incident, but I shouldn't relax until treatment is over. Rads are starting to kick my butt. I even lost 5 lbs from the constant nausea of the Tamoxifen. This shit is for the birds. I feel like I've just about had enough of everything physically. Cancer treatment is a decathalon for the body. All the events and stages. Goodness.


Overall though, I feel a good sense of power coming back over me- Something that wasn't there before and this is something that will rise up bigger than I ever was..... feels great. I wonder just what this power will bring me. Oh I wonder.......

ONWARD.
much love.

b