Today isn't the best of days. I wasn't able to get past 3 hours at work when I had to go home. a raging headache made crazy by flourescent lights, plus a nausea to match. I just laid down and vegged.
I have to type this in pieces because I feel like garbage if I sit up too long at the computer desk.
I am very much enjoying this new haircut. If I feel better later I'm going to have Mark take out the clippers and even it out since I was dealt a pretty hasty haircut the first time. It's all patchy. Not to mention it's falling out so pretty soon the Tony Danza haircut will be replaced by bald and beautiful.
I still try to not get my 'hair' wet when I take a shower, it's like a phantom limb.
Having all that hair was a lot of work. This is easier.
I love it though. I tried to work with the wig today- I made it past the first hour before taking it off and putting a scarf on instead. Noone I work with really cares so it's chill. Very cool.
My niece Jennifer flew in from Georgia last night and she's staying with my mom , who took Melody today.
I had to pick her up from Newark Airport, and I relished in the small moment being there at an airport that got me the closest to a vacation as I am gonna get for a while.
MRI of the liver tomorrow. Dr. Miller will call me the minute he sees something weird. Or sees nothing at all.
I'm dealing with one of the crappier days today, but I'm dealing.
I'm finding that sometimes the moments where reality gets through a crack and runs into your mind like a trainwreck really aren't fun. Like things are way too much at times and I just have to step back and take a deep breath and regroup. But it's an exercise in becoming stronger - every time that happens it's almost like I have run out of ammo and I'm just reloading the cannon.
Sometimes I'm the matador, sometimes I'm the bull.
I miss my kids when I feel like this and they're gone. I want to hug them, and snuggle in my bed with them....but my mom took Azalea once she got off the bus, and Melody is staying over another night. The break I get is bittersweet precious...and necessary. Jennifer is there to help her so it's a cousin fest. They're all having a great time up the road at Grandma's and I miss my babies.
I'm spending the rest of the day solo to get my last food in before 4am, to sleep , and close my eyes with my thoughts and good intentions.
Mark is up the road in Belmar recording tonight..... quiet evening at home.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
.....
love&light
-b
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