father's day

DAY27
Today I meditate.

I haven't had much energy today. Mark seems to have eaten something bad and is stretched out on the couch nauseous. It's back to work tomorrow. Weird trying to get used to this new chemo brain I have.
Azalea is at my mom's planning and decorating for a huge father's day dinner for Mark combining it with is birthday that slipped by the wayside being 2 days after this diagnosis.... he deserves a day for being so great....Azalea has been making menus, and decorating, and baking with my mom. She's calling it her "epic" party. Everything is "epic".
What a kid.....She is the greatest , most polite person I have ever met. Hopefully Mark can rest off the sick to make it to my mom's for a dinner. He has no idea how big Azalea has planned this....lol.

I'm thankful I found a father for my children who is as great of a father as I had.
I was very close with him, and his dealing with cancer has been such a huge part of all our lives. I have 3 sisters, and 2 brothers and having a big family is great when dealing with huge family news as we have found. We are all there for each other 100% 24-7, I'm so grateful for the amazing support of all of them.
I was there as my father passed away in March of 2010, and took his last breaths after a hell of a fight with multiple myeloma. I have so many great memories of him to keep me through this. And every day of my fight, I fight it for him.
I probably already had this cancer at the time of his passing. This cancer is very slow growing and took years to develop. It was meant to be for me to give birth to Melody and not find this until now.Being pregnant and having her around in the weeks following my father's passing was comforting in a way. Something else to think about and someone new to occupy my heart and our family. It took Azalea's mind off Grandpa being sick , with a new little sister. Now she will be 2 in August, and I'm grateful that she's at the age of not realizing what's going on in reality, but also still innocent in really being the only person among us that doesn't give a shit about cancer. She doesn't care if she hits me with a pair of her shoes in the face, or chucks the tv clicker at me in frustration.... it's refreshing in a way. She'll probably never remember me being bald, or sick in bed.
She was sent to us for a reason, and the reasons keep unfolding everyday.

When I think about my dad now that him and I have something this crazy in common, I don't mourn him as I used to like a silent tip of a coffee cup, or wearing an orange bracelet much anymore. I find myself arm in arm with him like he walked me down the aisle at my wedding. There's no sadness he's gone. He fighting right with me. And it's a hug I feel from these days on. And the cardinals that keep flying in front of my car as I drive. lol.

Happy Father's Day to the dads who practice the ultimate in greatness in how they encourage, teach, and enrich their kids' lives' positive.

Much Love....
-brianne

Before any of us were sick. 9/9/00