Dear cancer,
You are an asshole.
I met you for the first time when you decided to visit my mom in 1995 as Hodgkin's Disease. I was an angry 18 year old, pissed off at the world, and not too fond of my family situation at that point. I was pissed at you, but I never really got to see you firsthand because I wasn't around for my mom when she was sick. I admit it. I was a shitty daughter when the other 5 of us supported her. I was just confused and not in a place where I should have been. I didn't get to fully acknowledge the bullshit she went through.
You left for a while. 7 years go by.
Then you visited my dad...Multiple Myeloma of 2002.
At that point- I was a new mom, so you never let my daughter ever see her grandpa when you weren't in his life.
Azalea never got to go for a walk with her grandpa because he couldn't. She grew up with you taking up residency in her Grandpa's bones.
You sneered at all of us and my whole family how you were going to steal my dad and were never going to ever give him back. I fucking hate you for that.
You also took my husband's father quickly in 2004. In 3 months he went from a happy jovial man who loved his dogs, the cinema, and life, to a shell of a human curled up in a hospital bed, medicated heavily and going in and out of consciousness and day before he shuffled off this mortal coil.
But my dad fought you every day for 8 years.
In 2009, I found myself pregnant and my first thought was "My dad isn't going to meet this kid, is he?"
You stole 2 grandfathers from another child who will never know them.
I watched firsthand how you covered my dad in tumors in his last days and took his life before my eyes, watching my dad's eyes roll towards the heavens as he succumbed to 8 years with you and left this plane and his children, his wife and his grandchildren. He didn't want to leave. He fought to stay. Because of you, he was scared. And nothing ever scared my dad.
You probably had started to shack up in my breast at this pointwhen he left- silently plotting and hanging new curtains as you decorated your new home with your evil and taking my lymph nodes as lawn ornaments.
You announced your arrival loud and clear when I felt you in the shower as you were out and watering your front lawn.
I faced you. I still face you. I looked you in the eye and gave you the finger the minute I heard you had moved in. I won't ever EVER let you get me like you got my dad or my father-in-law, I got news for you.
All these doctors and I are going to KILL YOU once and for all. How's that sound?
You, like any other bullshit that has walked into my life, have made me see strength, resolve, the kindness of others, what amazing friends and family I have. I am grateful for the experience- but i am done with you and you need to leave. And if you don't, prepare to die. I embraced you for a while, as I should any life experience- but I'm done now. YOU are done.
You fucked with too many people I love.You killed my father, you messed with my mom- you took my husband's dad, you stole my friend Andrea- you messed with to many of my friends and family, bro.
If you were a person, I would have killed you 100 times already. The worst kind of death I could imagine at the fate of my own hands is what i would do to you.
What makes you come around?
What did we do to call you?
Whatever it was, I hope someone figures out the bat signal that makes you show up, so they can put out the light. unplug that mofo and dump it in the ocean. or grind you up into a million little pieces so noone can put you back together ever again.
and you are taking my breasts with you. One I don't even have to give up but I am anyway so you won't have another home to come back to if you do.
You are such an asshole.
You even screw with little kids.
You are pretty much in line with Jerry Sandusky. only bigger. and way more of a jerk.
You are loved by my nemesis the pharmaceutical companies, and kept alive by those not wanting real cures and actual remedies to be made public and legal.
This relationship you and I have had- as dysfunctional and codependent as it is, is over. This is your 2 week notice to leave and never come back, and don't even think about bothering me or my friends again.
You made me pissed, more aware, charging for a cause, angry at Komen for you and her sister making money off us, educated, and way more alert to anything ever before April 2012.
It's excellent how you showed me all this, and I wish it wasn't you living in my breast and armpit to make me see it- so thank you- now move on.
I think you suck.
So be on your merry way- go take a long walk off a short pier and never come back.
Make like a tree and get outta here.
and go fuck yourself.
:D
...xo....
