Today I feel pretty alright.
I woke up feelng very beat up, but once I got up and around, I got my bearings and felt a lot better as the morning went on. Coffee still tastes good. I can feel the steroids leaving my body. I do not like them.
My mother took Melody today to give us a break from the terrible twos and Mark really kicked ass at finishing up some cleaning that needed to get done.
I love my daughter very much, but the peace I got to sleep today was precious. Thanks mom <3 She also kept her awake all day so she would sleep for me early since Mark is leaving at 6:30 tonight for work. BLESSING! lol.
I also had to spend the morning making sure another MRI was scheduled. In the routine tests before chemo, they found a small spot on my liver that could well easily be fatty tissue on my CAT scan. My oncology nurse said that was a normal thing for those things to show up. So it's back to the Skrillex machine June 5th.
I think it's nothing but the fact I accidentally ate a handful of sunflower seeds before my scan when I forgot about the fasting rule, as well as all the anxiety medication called Malbec I had during my month from discovery to diagnosis. lol. So I'll rule out any tumor on my liver right now. Not me. It's just wine and sunflower seeds.
I'll be ok. Just to make sure though, I took a nap earlier with my Padre Pio blessed handkerchief on my stomach.
I've been fascinated with Padre Pio since I was a kid reading the "Book of Lists" in our house. Now I am not a religious person per say, but I absolutely believe that some people walk this earth as healers, mystics, blessed people and channels to the other side. The ones that fly around crowing how much they are a part of the other side are charlatans, IMO. This is not confined to any school of thought, religious symbol or prophet....Jesus, Padre Pio, Buddha,...whatever faith or belief system, if the the practice is based in good and love, as well as acceptance of everyone...that's spirituality for me. I"m not a fan of those who claim to know what religion "GOD" is.
I also believe our biggest powers of self come from within. I know some of my scripture following friends would disagree with me and say I'm wrong, but we're all not the same as humans, and Jesus knew that too.
The power of prayer is HUGE to me though- collective meditation and directed good intentions. Amazing, the powers it has. Good intentions. Love....Transcends all religion. I love you guys so much :)
Back to Padre Pio, he was a cool priest in Italy that recently became a saint- he performed miracles, healed, appeared in 2 places at once and also experienced stigmata, where the wounds of Christ appeared on his hands every Friday I beleive. You can't fake stigmata. lol. Padre is the real deal. My grandfather actually got to attend one of his masses in Italy in the 40s in WWII, and has some awesome photos. Very angelic. My family is big on Padre. :)
My appetite was really good today- I was starving for a good part of the day, craving greens, and my veggie juices. I feel a lot better after i eat 'em. I'm starting to feel disgusted at certain things too=- It's like being pregnant all over again!
Feeling that sensation too like I ate something really hot and it burned the inside of my mouth is also another chemo side effect.
My boss stopped by today to give me a hug and say hello with a present, and I got a sweet surprise from my sister and her BF Brian today in the mail. She sent me a handpainted mug she made that said "Love" and a really awesome cardinal pillow which I am going to bring with me to my chemo appointments so it'll be a nice reminder of my dad being with me <3
If he was alive, all he would tell me to do is "REST".
He was big on that- so I am doing the best I can. For someone who has constant thoughts running through my head , and can't sit still - rest is a learned behavior.
I'm learning now that it's ok to heal and miss a few hours in the day, and to have faith that things will get done and I don't have to do them all.
It's great.
Still learning though.
I hope tomorrow copies today in how I feel physically. <3
More onward into breathing Good In, Garbage Out.
xo
b
