labor day week.

DAY106

Tomorrow is the first day of school for the Miss Azalea Vesta Clover. She starts 5th grade.
I still have to write that note to the teacher explaining this all over again. She probably knows already though. It's a small school and even smaller town.
So I get to have that last "First day of school on the bus" day. Ever. Next year is middle school and Mark & I  being present won't be so cool anymore. Plus the middle school is like, 5 blocks away so there won't be a bus.
My kids are growing up so fast.
*sigh*


Monday was my birthday- a chemo eve to remember- Mark was playing the Evolve festival- a 4 day festival of music and healing arts and art and all that good stuff.I found myself dancing my ass off in an open field in the dark- loving the freedom my legs were giving me at that moment.
I came across a woman selling her healing bars. After talking with her a bit- it was pretty apparent I had found a kindred soul- I talked about my cancer and mentioned how my breast tumor was shrinking- but my lymph nodes (Armpit Shitshow) were large and in charge and din't like losing weight.
She proceeded to spend some time focusing on my lymph nodes. I offered it up for laying on of hands, and it both brought us to tears as she worked on it, I could feel so much going through me- throughout the palms of my hands, my feet. It was intense.Gratitude.
Afterward, I learned her name was Gemma- funny since I have never met anyone with that name- and it's also Mark's mom's name.I am grateful for meeting her, and her gift to me.

The next morning I went to Virtua for the Taxol #7 and upon examination - Phyllis said the armpit shitshow felt different. Not smaller- just ...flatter.

Another healer encountered, more progress.
That was the first time I had heard anything changing in the Armpit Shitshow.

I feel good.
The bone pain is getting longer in it's stops- which has me with no other option but to just plain lie down. There is no pain releiver that takes this away.
And if you want to imagine bone pain- it's exactly like a toothache. Just in your bones and you never know where it's gonna show up next. Like Whack a Mole.
And it freakin' HURTS.

Hands and feet are turning up the burning tingle every day. I can't be doing all that intricate hand stuff at work anymore because I need to conserve my nails.
and hand nerves.
I expect to feel ok, and I have bad days. I feel good too. You just can't gauge any one day from the next - but they are for the most part- bearable. Which is good.


And I find myself positive here- but I do have to rant on something for a little bit-

I am so grateful to anyone and their good intentions- but telling anyone their cancer is their fault is rude and offensive, And I'm not easily offended.
I like to hear everyone's take on things- but flat out telling me that something I did, or didn't do enough of (because these people just know me so well) caused my cancer- really hurts. worse than bone pain.
It's anti-support. Breast cancer has no known cause. So please leave your armchair education and food meme knowledge for the birds. Cause that's what it's for. I appreciate the concern- but the delivery is wrong. Unless you have had it yourself, there is no room for comment on others' choice of paths who know cancer.

......

love each other gently. :)

xo
b