the bionic woman

Oh Lindsay Wagner.
They don't make actresses like her anymore.
*sigh*
My sister used to make me watch this show all the time when I was a kid. I love the sound she makes when she jumps.
I still hear that sound when I get those awesome moments where I can stretch my right arm a little bit more or being able to reach a little bit farther.
If I feel inside my armpit where the Shitshow used to be, it is now completely numb- but there is a very large tight feeling "rope" inside. I assume the doctor just gathered all the loose ragged ends and sewed it all up. Tendons in my forearm that used to run north to south are now all slanted and twisty and painful. Rerouted nerves make for weird occurrences- such as me scratching my shoulder and feeling it in my foot. Or touching my earlobe and feeling it in my elbow. Strange. I have also lost much of my sense of smell for whatever reason...maybe the anesthesia?
But everything is healing up nicely incision wise. This guy pulled off some serious quilting skills in his invisible stitching. It's leaving hardly a giant scar at all.
My fellow sewers would recognize this work as some of the best hidden applique stitching ever. I wonder if they trains surgeons using quilting classes. I think they should.
Just feels all weird inside like ropes around my rib cage- half numb. My belly is healing well- almost all the incision scabs have fallen off.... Every single day is a different facet to healing from such major surgery--- One day you'll feel your entire stomach lining ripping and stretching inside all day. The next day is the odd belt that is tightened under your arm and across your chest inside you. ...... and the tiredness of walking after a half hour is extreme. After all that chemo and stuff- I have to say that this recovery is the worst part of this whole story so far. For me at least.
 - Not being able to walk upright- I get a few moments to stretch to what I can tolerate and it's crazy. You definitely feel it everywhere. And I feel as if I was sawed in half. My stomach area looks weirdly ...shorter. I cannot describe it but I hope it goes away with stretching skins and spines. It's weird.
Healing up the arm is going to be the biggie.  What else was a  little weird was my full pathology report. Ugh- so descriptive. Skip to the next paragraph if you barf easily.
My pathology report actually described what the Armpit Shitshow and breast tumor looked like..Ugh.
After all that chemo there were still 2 tumors left- both 'lumpy and a tan/grey color'- a 2cm one in my armpit and 1.7cm one in my breast with a network of stringy stuff in between the two. The path report described it as filled "creamy fluid". THAT IS SO GROSS. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Unnerving a bit since after all that crazy shit drug rollercoaster of 140 days- that cancer was still there. Holy moly.
So I am getting there. Slowly.
Still at mom's.....but these past 2 days have been so much better mobility wise. Which means I can go home soon and do my best being alone with children (changing diapers, etc) when my husband goes to work at night. Only rule is no lifting over 5 lbs. It's quite the challenge.And no sleeping flat.
The kids and Mark have been great. They camp out at mom's right with me. Azalea has slept next to me every night except for once since I came home from the hospital. Melody has started doing the same thing on the love seat lately. Mark sleeps in the spare room and I am still in the recliner in the living room. I really miss home. I'm actually home for a few hours now- we have been shuttling back and forth this whole time,. but I miss my HOME. My coffee. My bed. My kids are around- I do what i can with one good arm and we just get by thanks to my mom and husband between baths and diapers and stuff. I can help with homework, make earrings, and color and draw. and tonight we're going to try and use a sewing machine. It's major arm work..... let's hope for the best. Psyched to be sewing with my mother the seam queen herself too.
I love my mom--- I do I do I do.... but I miss our home.

I've been getting out more too- those mobile store carts rock.
Toys R Us does NOT have them though, but I did good with a sturdy shopping cart.
The armpit area is crazy though. Hardest hit.
I visit my chiropractor tomorrow to ask about physical therapy recommendations now that my movement is improving and I feel better.
Pillows are my friends.
I have also come across the retail trap of "special womens things". Stuff women need for only small parts of their lives- like nursing, pregnancy, cancer, etc. I don't fall for this crap.
Thankfully my nursing bra from Melody was comfort. But I had ditched the rest of the ones I had.
Up and down- 34.00 nursing bras, blah blah blah. online, instore- the whole retail rhetoric they throw at women is insane.
Till I went to Shoprite. In their gloriousness of an actual sock and underwear aisle- I accidentally stumbled my mobile cart through..... I found the 9.99 2 pack of Shoprite bras were perfect. Functionally hot if that says anything. (They are hideous...and the most comfy thing I have ever worn)
So that's my secret.
Double mastectomy? Shoprite bras.
Special women's things are big business. Don't let them cash in is what i say.

The end product is healing nicely. Still with a little hematoma- but really nice.

And the end product brings with the rest of my life people staring at my boobs forever when i tell my story.
Don't lie- you do it too.
When you hear someone has or has had breast cancer, you look at their boobs.
Fact.

Laugh....because I do.
It's so true.....
Technically- I wouldn't call them fake, since they aren't. It's still my stuff, just in a different place. Organic Migratory Mammaries.
Hot. I know.
A long road to looking normal or real at this point- but I'm happy that evil shit is gone, they are gone, and the healing beginning.....
Go forward.