Getting better every day.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am on the mend. This usual ADD of myself I have is ITCHING to do things. To get up and drive. To do the YMCA.
ack. I told Mark this is the perfect time to go on a Caribbean vacation since I am actually relaxing for a change because I have no choice.
Stay medicated and stay active.
I am getting up and going outside for a little bit- I can't do shopping unless I have one of those motorized carts. To which I need to bring bleach wipes (because I'm Italian neurotic). I haven't done it yet- It was raining nasty yesterday so I stayed in the car while Mark ran into Lowe's and Costco for some groceries and necessities for the new clean house I am going back to. I feel like I just need to be able to sleep a bit better- It's a slow road, but I am still very much in the recliner - sitting up causes pain on my back, My numb armpits need to be elevated.
When the pain gets real bad, it feels like belts made of broken glass around your lower stomach and across your chest under your armpits.
I am feeling the repercussions of nerve damage from things done to my chest insides while I was asleep and it's kinda scary.
I picture myself as like an ice cream counter all splayed out on the operating table.Scooping out here, stuffing in there. Eek.
I can only wonder what it must have looked like, Jesus.
It hurts.
My kingdom for the ability to walk upright.
My mom tells me I should have a magnifying glass as I hunch over all around her house.
And I'm still at her house.
It was awesome to see 2 sisters and a brother, and a nephew, and 4 nieces. and 2 brothers-in-law.
and a Grandma.
All came over and stayed for a few days during Thanksgiving. I know how the Thanksgiving turkey feels all cut up surrounded by family. That was pretty much me in the recliner in the living room.
Nothing felt so nice as to be surrounded by family at that moment- giving thanks for what else- LIFE. a second chance.
My sister and brother weren't able to come up - but I should see them soon anyway.
Today is actually my little sister's birthday- 29. I remember being 7 when she was born, and holding her in the hospital. My little baby sister.
Time goes by so fast.
I have lots of it these days, most of it is spent under the influence. or in discomfort. But the other option is worse- and I am grateful for the trip I am taking right now.
every minute.
I have lots of time to think about how life is going to be as it transforms into a new normal.
What I am going to do with my time besides healing- Will I be able to tie dye again? Paint? Batik?
I hope I find a good physical therapist who can get my arm back to normal.
not having my right arm working is very frustrating.
Getting better every day though. slowly.
I have anxiety over not being able to function as part of my family. I sit there while other people rock my baby daughter to sleep, or give her a bath..... I am grateful so much for the help- but the inability to be physical with my kids really hurts.
I can't hug :(
I am watching lots of daytime TV. to which I have to say that The Talk is the worst show currently on. That I love Ellen Degeneres, Fox News is poison, and I love CBS news. and the DIY network.
Slowly getting better.
I am also down to about 2 pain pills a day- which those are usually at night for sleep.
The mary jane cookies are taking care of any mood swings, I do not have menopause symptoms or chemo side effects when I take them, and my pain level is much lower.
I am still in a lot of pain and far from normal, but slowly getting better..................slowly getting better.
and the joy of having eyelashes again is divine. <3
I get to visit my Korean eyebrow lady again soon :)
xo
b
