Counting days has arrived again-
I started the radiation treatments today...
Just when I had thought I was done with the routine hospital visits, they come back.
So I have to do these - 5 days a week till I hit 28. About 5 weeks.
The first treatment went ok- It was pretty uneventful in the fact that I didn't really feel much of anything- I just laid on a table very still with lasers all around. Like Glow Bowling.
My appointment last week had me lie on my back with my arms over my head (yep- I did it! Thanks to physical therapy) - and they made a mold of my head and back. And gave me three little tattoos- one in the middle of my chest, and 2 on either side under my armpit. Just tiny dots... Nothing fun or cool like a snake driving a knife through a tiger's eye or anything. So they line you up and leave the room- and this big machine moves around you and the laser sits where the cancer used to be. You lie very still and breathe normally, and then they come back in and say "You're done!".
So that was it.
I asked the radiology tech when the burns start and she said about 2 weeks. Oy.
I go back every day except weekends and holidays until 28 are done and then I am done.
I am also going to a physical therapist named Bruce 3 times a week. Bruce makes my arm go a little past my comfort zone with different exercises and working the corded bundle of tendons and nerve endings in my armpit apart. Right now it's like a really tight rope of every stringy thing in my arm pulled tightly and sewn up under my armpit. Weird. When it gets real bad, they call it "cording" - which is just what it sounds like. Your nerves and muscles and all that sewed up bundle gets real tight and extending anything is a painful burning ordeal. Thanks to Bruce, we are slowly working it out to be in a more comfortable place. And hopefully stay there.
You can see the tendons in my arms twist around my forearm rather than their usual stright up and down liek they used to. It's painful, but you learn to take it every day as it comes. The biggest issue for the arm is the nerve regeneration- Burning inside like hell. Thankfully it hasn't swelled up too bad since surgery. We don't want that.
That's a problem called lymphedema and I'm glad it's staying at bay so far. If i had had it- it would be even worse pain, swelling, and I would have to wear a compression sleeve.
I don't do compression sleeves unless they come in gold lame.
My stomach is also giving me some major pains and issues with the healing- not a good feeling, but it's scar tissue being moved around and unsettling and healing and pulling and bleh. Just bleh.
I am walking upright and driving now when I can too, which feels great. It feels HUMAN for a change.
I still can't hold my kids, but that is something to work on.
I probably also won't be able to go back to work till the end of February as well. Still so much healing left to be done- there would be no way I could do my job right now. This is serious surgery.
My boss is being extremely gracious and making sure I'm 100% before coming back. I needed more time
I'm probably looking at one more small upkeep surgery of the girls, and then I should be through with treatments and procedures.... The major ones at least.
Patel's PA says I am healing really well in the breasts which is good- that blasted hematoma is still there, making for an uncomfortable firm side. Between the flat skin sitting on top of where the nipple used to be, and the surrounding swelling, it looks like a really weird pin cushion or patchwork kaiser roll.
I won't be seeing Cairoli until March again and Patel in February.
Overall, I feel ok, just still very tired. Getting used to Tamoxifen's side effects, dealing with menopause and chemo residual effects too, just riding the wave of a big exodus that's happening in my system.
Next step is to finally sit down with all these bills and insurance forms and receipts and bs and organize it once and for all. I've been avoiding it like the plague, but it must be done. Tax time is here! and Taxes don't care that you had cancer. Thank goodness for good accountants.
life is coming back ...sloooowwwwwly. very slowly.
I can't wait until I can tie dye again, and start working on our house again... and all that good stuff.
Life, I have missed you soooo much!
Now where's my live music? My ears feel great!
