DAY129
Calgon, you are late!
Today is the crappiest chemo day since Tuesday- I haven't stopped hot flashing or sweating since I woke up.
I just feel like I'm walking through space today again- It was sooo hard waking up this morning- but I dragged myself out of bed and into work for a good 3.5 hours before reality decided to start slipping away from me. It's a feeling I can't describe other than you are a body filled with toxic organs and sludge and brain chemicals like a novelty Pina Chemo Colada in a human shaped cup from a poolside bar in Vegas. Melting in the sun and sub par.
Just uck.
You won't know this feeling unless you do chemo. It's nothing that I ever felt pre-cancer. Even at my worst.
Jen and her kiddo Dylan stopped by last night to have some pizza and wine and it was great to have company, despite being thoroughly exhausted.
Today,
The husband departs for the Poconos around 2pm- and my mom is pretty sick so I'm the mommy today on my own.
As long as Melody doesn't take a nap- I can get her in bed early around 6 and Azalea is easy because she's almost 10 and she's able to help herself and make herself dinner and lock the doors at night, put herself to sleep and stuff.
I don't know what I'd do without her. Between her and Finding Nemo-I have good support in getting through a bad day solo with kids.
I feel terrible. I wish my mom felt better. She does too.
I managed to make a soup that is stewing on the stove at least for a few hours now. Soup isn't too much of a stressful dinner that's now taken care of...
where are you Calgon? I need a break.
-xo
b
3:33pm
Update.(said in the same way Robert Stack did in Unsolved Mysteries)
I gave my mom my chiropractor appointment since I just couldn't do it today.
I have to get Azalea off the bus in about 20 minutes, and Melody decided to take a nap.
On days like this, normalcy goes by the wayside and all of a sudden I am the awesome mom who gives her kid ice cream before dinner. Cause I just can and I don't have to care for a day if I don't want to. Her diapers are changed and she is fed, clean and happy.
And if you want to judge me, Go for it. You figure out a better way to keep a energetic 2 year old happy and quiet whilst chemo twists your insides and bones all around and you need just 20 minutes to rest. lol.
:) thank you, little bowl of ice cream.
xo
4:58 PM
Melancholy about missing the Keller and Juggling shows tonight, I drowned my superficial and shallow egotistical sadness in Talenti Gelato, loafing on the couch watching Coraline with the little one. And because Caramel Cookie Crunch is a sweet alternative to Vicodin. :)
Then Mark calls and he has arrived at his destination.... and puts Keller on the phone. Keller tells me to keep kicking ass.
I am smiling.
Thanks Mark
xo
