One of the hardest things I expected to do, but she was just awesome. She did cry but that's normal.
We've always emphasized that some cancers go away, and some cancers don't. She knows about breast cancer from all the pink ribbons and baseball players and things on tv, and I have always told her even before this diagnosis that breast cancer is one that can be beatable.
I reiterated that my doctors are the best, and I'm going to have medicine to get rid of the cancer, which will make me lose my hair.
I think that shocked her the most.
I explained that my hair is just my hair and that it would grow back. She was a little freaked about the bald thing, but she smiled when I asked if she wanted to help me pick out wigs.
A kid at the prime age of self esteem building in a little girl, this has to be tough for her....
She also knows that she can talk to anyone around us about any of her feelings, ask questions, everything. She's wise beyond her years.
Overall we emphasized laughing about all of this. It's ok for things to be funny. It's ok to laugh. But Mommy's gonna kick this thing in the ass, and do it well.
She doesn't like cursing- go figure- now she knows why mommy was listening to Cee-Lo's song so many times. "Forget You" just doesn't convey the thought so well, IMHO. lol. bood for radio edits. lol.
Yesterday was also my first full day back at work- It was nice to have a diversion of thinking, but the 2:00 tired is worse. Maybe because I've had enough days to get back into sleeping a little past my alarm, or it could be the cancer.
I also went back to the gyno who found the lump yesterday too for a routine follow up- I judged this guy because of his hurriedness in the intial exam and appalled at him saying it was cancer right off the bat- but he was right. And this time, he listened to me, the whole story, and was nothing but reassuring. He gave me a hug at the end of the visit , told me to stay strong and that I'll beat this, and he deferred the co-pay for the visit.
I judged this guy because of my preconceived notions of doctors because I never had any good experience with one. I'm learning that as much as I don't beleive myself to be that judgmental, I am more than I'd like to admit. This cancer is showing itself as a bigger lesson of life, the big kick in the ass of straightening out the shit once and for all.
I beat myself up too much and overextend my energies to the point of exhaustion despite the orders to rest, relax , & take it easy, in the past. Time to stop.
Muga scan today of my heart, and the awesome 45 minute MRI . The last of the tests.
Today I'll hopefully find out more about the pathology of the cells too.......
love....
Edit to add more of the day.
It's been a long week of testing- I'm done after this. I found out after my MRI from my surgeon that they found 3 more small tumors suspect of more cancer and had asked if I wanted a biopsy. I was so done with needles at this point- so I told him politely no. He understood. So the course of action now is chemo and a definite mastectomy.
I got my run down from the nurse navigator about what to expect the first day of chemo. 5 hours, a whole mess off stuff- including the installation of a port. My mom and dad both had ports. The more crap they inject me with, ports, etc- I'm fixin' to be one fabulous robot. I love robots.
A port eliminates the need for constant needle poking, which I'm ok with. All the nurses see my tattoos and ask how I could hate needles so much with all the ink I have- to which I reply- those needles are smaller, and much more fun. lol.
I visited a nice health food store on 38 today, with a cafe... I was sad to hear a microwave going....
I was talking with the lady there and mentioned my diagnosis and she said that her sister who was 37 was getting ready for a radical mastectomy after being diagnosed 2 weeks ago-and she also had a lump. and that all these women were coming in with breast cancer. It's kinda fucked up how much it's all over I'm noticing. maybe it's me- but it make me wonder as these breasts are virtual sponges for toxins- how many of us are there in the past few years. Kinda scary how much crap, pollution, shitty water, all this stuff is causing this. as well as genetics, but this is an epidemic.
Eat your veggies ladies!!! (and men!)
Went in for my muga scan(looks at my heart to make sure it is good for chemo)- which I had a really funny lady working the machine who helped me laugh and talk. Instant friend. :)
My MRI was the same. It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be...but I posted this on my ladies board - so I'll cut and paste my experience as described what a bilateral breast MRI is like.
:::
If anyone hasn't experienced this fun trip through a giant magnet- basically I had to lie down, put my boobs through two holes, face down, and an IV contrast went in during the middle which made me feel like I was warm and fuzzy and I was peeing (but i didn't pee-lol) - the whole time these loud ass buzzing and knocking and bleeping sounds are going off- with a dude talking to you through a microphone. Eyes closed i was a perfect representation of being at a Bisco show with Skrillex playing at the same time. NUTS.
It was so weird. lol.
