Star Wars Cantina Makeover

That butt pillow advertised on TV? Forever comfy. I desire forever comfy -If I order it- I wonder if it really works.

Hard to believe 12 days has flown by since surgery- I am still very well on the mend- but farrrrr away from an inkling of independence.
Good news though- I got my drains removed yesterday- which is the weirdest thing I think out of anything thus far that I have experienced.
I had tubes implanted - 2 under each arm and 2 in my pelvic region to drain the fluid post surgery. It was gross- I had to milk and empty those drains every day. UGH.
My poor mother the paramedic was even grossed out by that.
a few times- I yanked the tubes accidentally- causing some serious pain--- they stitch the tubes to your body.
The whole time I was feeling them and was pretty sure they went in about 3-4 inches past the incisions.

Yesterday's removal proved me wrong.
try a FOOT of tubing.
Yo.
a FOOT.
All this time- I had 6 bulbs that collected the fluid - hanging off me- a real challenge since I had to wear them in a bag around my neck 24-7. The tubes would rub against my belly incision - during sweats- it was just gross.
So they pulled out the tubes yesterday- all went fine until the last pelvic tube was pulled out and holy lord- HOLY LORD- it was pain. It felt like it had been stitched to my stomach from the inside and they just yanked it out. I still feel it now- in my HIP.
Dr. Patel's PA said scar tissue was probably forming around it - he just pulled that sucker out. I watched Mark's eyes as they did that- and i YELLED. I yelled so loud the doctor came running into the exam room asking if everything was ok. Oh boy that hurt. It was funny though. I apologized up and down.
whoa wow wow.
Glad I do not need those things ever again.
They also took out the stitches that attached my new belly button. He was pulling out the stitches with scissors and I just wanted to be like " A seam ripper would make your life so much easier" - lol. I'm in the business of stitches. Seam rippers are a requirement.
But this guy did a good job- the rest of my stitches dissolve.

Both my breasts are healing well- one side was abnormally larger and quite black and blue compared to the other one- PA said it was a hematoma that developed during surgery and it won't go away for a few months. Yay.
And thank lord again that I do NOT have to wear those compression bras they give you in the hospital- I was given the green light to wear my nursing bras from Melody- Oh happy day.
They aren't sexy- but they have somewhat semblance of being a woman with cleavage much more than the giant velcro road block I was wearing before. wheew.
So I think Breast Cancer surgery should be renamed  to Star Wars Cantina Makeover.

Between the drains, weirdo nipple-less stitched up breasts, reattached belly button, and everything chemo did to my appearance- there is no name for it other than Star Wars Cantina Makeover.
I guarantee next to that Cantina is a salon- where all those creatures look like me right now.
I am still at my mom's healing-
It is going to be a very long process. Very long.
My mom loves her Fox News Channel.
I'm growing accustomed to the Fox News. a little bit. What a bad thing for America, that channel. Kool Aid Cult. I actually sympathize with the responsible and well thought Republicans that have that channel as their official mouthpiece. I'd turn Independent. UGH. ( I am currently independent. fair and balanced my ass- News Corp should be brought up on charges of how much they lie. not news)
So it's caused a lot of heated arguments- but I am making my points, proving what that stupid channel says is wrong or propaganda.... Like I said before- I love my politics.. I hate spin.
They do have a few people who actually have a brain that thinks, rather than regurgitating information- but they are few.

I am bonding more with my mom than I have ever done in the past- and it's nice. My family has been camped out here too - Azalea wants to sleep next to me every night. I am still in the recliner in the living room.
I miss lying flat or on my side- I cannot do that at all.
My back is suffering.

I am just so glad I don't have to haul those drains around anymore. I felt like a Macy's Thanksgiving day Parade float for almost 2 weeks.

I am healing well- but very slowly- this surgery is intense.
I met with Phyllis and Dr. Cairoli for a bit on Monday- I am to go forward with the radiation (no surprise) starting December 11th, and Phyllis told me I was ok enough with my hair to use a color rinse if I wanted to . She said she didn't like to see me with grey hair.
My hair has been growing in like the Italian champ it is. and EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES! they are starting to come back like Pumpkin Flavored Everything.
YAY!!!!
My hair is a fluffy pile of white and grey and light brown and blonde- with darker roots coming in now- it feels like cat fur.
Not quite Tony Danza, but a shorter Jamie Lee Curtis.

Color rinse, please.
Teal or dark blue or purple would be great.

I am going to wait till it gets a little longer and I get my eyebrows back at least.
Almost there!

Appearance aside, I am still very much in pain and a slave to the pill. blah. When I get better enough to go shopping and start flushing this crap OUT.

I also have to be on Tamoxifen for 5 years- Tamoxifen is kind of like Chemo Jr. --- if any breast cancer cells show up again- Tamoxifen shuts down the receptors on those cells to not feed off the estrogen and progesterone that the old cells were growing from.
Good times.
As someone who has had barely anything but an antibiotic prior to this, it's a defeating blow to someone who took such good care of herself generally the whole time. I have to take them though- I have a husband and small children to be around for.
I need to get old.
I don't want to die from this.

What a hurricane.

I know how the United States feels- my armpit has been ripped out and shredded too.
I resemble the shore myself- scarred up and rebuilding. The irony is weird.
not to mention that hurricane forms a number nine in its spiraling. wtf?
I told you- I have apocalyptic boobs.

Mark took me around the shore to get out of the house and besides being upset that there is NO place to sit and watch the sea anymore, there is still so much destruction and garbage everywhere. I start crying every time I see it. My poor state. My poor shore.
My mother was very lucky in being 1 of 4 houses that didn't get flooded in her area- as she was surrounded with about 50 houses that did (she lives across the street from the creek that overflowed 11 feet) --- All I have to do is look outside and see the pile of trash in front of the neighbors' houses and it all comes back.
We are still so raw, still an open wound.
I know how you feel, shore.
I'm healing right with you.
I'm limited in my being able to help- and it is a shitty feeling.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow---- My grandma turns a hearty 85, and my sister Britt is coming up again from NC as is Jon from Brooklyn. They finally got the trains running so I get to see my baby brother who was so close, yet so far away this whole time.
So happy to be around my family.
I love them so much, it makes me cry. I am blessed and lucky to have siblings like the ones I have.
awesome. and we're all fun crazy.

Lately- I have been on the receiving end of some of the most amazing support and love I have ever seen- tears emerge from even the thought--- Thank you everyone for the love, the cards, the help, the little baskets of goodies and groceries, the food, the semi-hugs, the visits to decorate my walker, - just everything. Even the little hearts on facebook and message boards- everything.
My heart swells so much.
and I am so grateful. and every bit has been such a help. seriously.
Sandy took a lot of work away from Mark too - so it has disabled a lot across the board- but we still have our home. Thank the lord.

I will be blogging this forever, I see- there is no end in sight at this point since this will be a lifelong battle. Lets' shoot for the next 50 years of love light fight.
People have been telling me to make this into a book.
any agents out there? lol--- email me!
..................

So much love and gratitude to all of you- keep shining~*
xo
-b